First birthday party, no gifts?

We've just been invited to a first birthday party in Somerville, MA,
and the parents said no gifts.

I feel silly going to a child's birthday party and not bringing a gift.
I wouldn't want them coming to my daughter's party and not bringing a
gift, even if I know it's likely to be something I don't want or need.
It's not about me, it's about the child.

Chris...

I gave my son a "no gifts" 1st birthday party many years ago (14!). He
definitely did not need any toys or clothes and I just wanted to have a
small party to celebrate. He was more excited about the hoopla than he
would have been about any gift. I would abide by the parents' wishes.

What is the practice where you live?

bizby40...

One year olds don't care about gifts. I think you should just
appreciate the favor and forget about it.

On a side note, as far as etiquette is concerned, it's almost as bad
to forbid gifts as to require them.

toypup...

I understand how the parents feel about the clutter. However, I feel the
same way you do, that it is about the child. Some parents do feel they
don't want to give the child a "gimme" complex, but I don't think that
birthday gifts necessarily do that. OTOH, it's best to honor the parents'
wishes.

We did go to a party once for DS's best friend. We had already gone
shopping for the gift and DS was excited to give it to him, so when the mom
said "no gift," I told her we already bought one and it would break DS's
heart. DS was the only one invited to the party, so it wouldn't make other
guests feel uncomfortable. I asked if it was okay if we could bring it
anyway, since we had already bought it. I never would have asked if we
hadn't already gone out to get it.

Caledonia...

The practice here in the western suburbs is to abide with the parents'
request.

I'm sorry for the semi-snarky reply, but your question seems like it's
about you, not about the parents and the birthday child.

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward...

It could well be about me, I don't know, but I just feel extremely
uncomfortable at the idea of going to a child's birthday party
empty-handed.

bizby40...

Just go -- you won't feel uncomfortable after you get there. It would
be different if the child were 5 and wondering where his presents
were. A 1 year old generally just doesn't even understand what's
going on.

I would frankly be happy to *not* bring a gift and instead write a
letter or note for the child. (I find it disturbing to see a birthday
party -- even for an older child -- where all 30+ guests have brought
presents, but I think I'm at the opposite extreme.)

Ericka Kammerer...

Mixed. Believe me, the gifts get *very* excessive
after a while--even the kids stop getting all that excited
about them. In general, saying "no gifts" isn't very polite.
Making that choice is supposed to be left to the giver.
However, if someone says no gifts, then you don't bring
one to the party. If you really want to give a gift,
bring one at another time, though the 'no gifts' thing
is probably a clue that they're awash in stuff, so you
might take that into account when selecting something.

Best wishes,
Ericka

-L....

Personally I don't care about what the "practice" is where I live. We
did not attend parties until the kids started turning 2, nor did we
invite anyone to J's 1st party. I sort of feel that the "number of
friends per year of age" is appropriate (though J had 3 kids in
attendance at his 2nd party) and I am consistently flabberghasted by
people who invite 40-50 people to their kid's first birthday party. It
just seems tacky to me.

As for gifts, I respect the hosts' wishes but I would bring a hostess
gift, as I always do. Most of the time this is a bottle of local wine
or a bouquet of fresh flowers.

Welches...

I've never been to a party that says that for a child. But if that was the
case then I think it would be rude to take a gift. You could end up in the
situation where half the guests bring stuff and then the other half feel
awkward about not bringing stuff. Even if it was just you, it could look
like you were trying to be one up on everyone else.
If you have a problem with that then you could:
1. Ask if you could bring anything to eat/drink/other stuff for the party.
2. Ask if they'd like you to donate to a charity instead
3. Take a photo of their child at the party and send it to them later
4 Give a small gift to the parents (eg a bottle of wine) to "relax
afterwards". But don't wrap it up and make it look too much like a present.
Debbie

Stephanie...

1. A one year old child has no clue about presents. So it really isn't about
the child. It is about convention.

2. If they ask you not to bring a gift, you don't bring a gift.

That's my opinion.

JennP...

I agree. There will always be some who don't follow and will bring one
anyway, but don't feel bad if that happens. Offer to bring some food or
beverages if you feel like bringing *something*.