Baby takes too long to fall asleep

Pum'kin (20 mo) sleeps through the night in her room. I'm really glad
about this. I take her to her room around 7:50 pm and nurse her for
about five minutes. Then I tell her it's time for bed. She asks me to
sing songs. So I sit by her bed and sing a few songs and tell her to go
to sleep. I have to sit by her bed till she completely falls asleep
(about 45 min sometimes it's an hour). The room is quiet with a fan for
white noise, and the night light is just bright enough that you can see
around but not too bright.

In that 45 minutes time if I try to tip toe my way out of the room, if
she wakes up she cries we start all over again. I'm truly glad that she

Nikki...

Luke was like that. It took a long time but we did change that. Things
that helped us that you might consider are....

1) instituted a bedtime routine (we didn't have one)
2) earlier bedtime (he wasn't getting enough sleep).
3) we did not start the whole routine over if he got upset, I just sat back
down.
4) I was kind and gentle but I didn't show any sympathy for him..he wasn't
being hurt ;-) He really feeds off any kind of sympathy though so I have to
be matter of fact with things like this or he is so much worse.
5) I began leaving the room for various reasons, always returning shortly.
My trips became longer and longer over time until occasionally he'd fall
asleep alone.
6) This all led to him falling asleep much faster...and it did take quite a
bit of time so that alone probably helped. He was closer to 2.5yo when I
did this.

sleeps by herself in her room because it certainly didn't come easy..
at the same time, is there a way to make her go to sleep by herself?
She's been consitently sleeping like this for about two months.

Sidheag McCormack...

Have you tried telling her that you're just going to [do something quick]
and then you'll be back? My DS was a few months older than your DD, but I
was amazed at how well he accepted this, because he just wouldn't accept me
going away without such a reason. We've had variants, but the common
feature seems to be that he wants to know where I'm going and what I'm
going to do, rather than have me just go away. Some variants:

- I go and do something quick, then go back in and stay till he's asleep.

- I tell him I have to go and do X but I'll see if Daddy can come and sit
with him

- If I'm going out, I tell him where I'm going and with whom

- I tell him I'm going to do something longer, but that I'll come and check
on him when I've finished

Roughly, I started at the top of this list and gradually got more
ambitious, although if I thought he was unsettled some night I'd stay with
him until he was asleep (still will, in fact, on occasion), till now it's
normal to leave him completely awake.

I've also read of people using a kitchen timer, promising to be back before
it goes off, but we didn't have one and in the event didn't need to go and
buy one!

T Flynn...

Yeah, the other problem with a timer is that if all goes well and the kid
falls asleep, the timer will wake her up!

Stuff I used to excuse myself to do:

Sidheag
DS Colin Oct 27 2003

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

an588...

Sounds very normal. Some babies need much more attention, e.g.
waking the parents multiple times through the night.

What the baby needs is security and routine. You can try not to give
the impression that you're planning to sneak away. You can try to
give the impression that you're happy and relaxed and ready to
stay there for a long time. You might be able to use the time
to read a book, though the sound of turning the pages might
wake the baby up.

With time, you'll probably be able to leave sooner.
See the book "Nighttime Parenting" by W. Sears for
how to tell whether the baby is in a deep sleep yet.
But, if you try to leave too soon, then baby will
feel less secure the next night.

I like the other poster's suggestion about going out
to quickly fetch something and coming back. Once
baby is accustomed to this, baby may feel secure and
sometimes fall asleep while you're out of the room.

Another idea is to gradually position yourself further
away. If you're sitting on a chair waiting for baby to
fall asleep, each day you can place your chair an inch
or two further from baby's bed and closer to the door.
You can say "I'm right here!" and look calm and relaxed.
The closer you are to the door, the easier it may be
to sneak out without baby noticing. Eventually, you
might progress to reading baby a story then going and
sitting on your chair right at the bedroom door,
and only waiting maybe 5 minute before sneaking away.

You could try to learn to sneak away more quietly.
Do any of the floorboards creak? There's an art
to using extremely slow motions, perhaps taking 5
minutes to move from beside the bed to the door.
As you get further away you can move a little faster.

What if you sang a lullaby and rocked back and forth
from one foot to another as baby fell asleep? You could
sing more and more quietly but keep moving from side
to side, then gradually inch your way to the door
while continuing a similar motion. Baby then
might not interpret the sound of your motion as
you sneaking away. If you're lucky.

Other things that can help: A bedtime routine,
e.g. bath then story etc. A nice long relaxing
bedtime routine, the same every time. Security:
protecting the child from scary experiences at any
time of day. Avoid yelling at her, for
example. Avoid situations where the child thinks
she's being abandoned, or scary images on TV etc.
If you leave the child at daycare or babysitters,
follow a routine around the time of leaving
the child, e.g. a certain type of hug, a
certain special goodbye phrase, always leaving
at the same spot; and try to come back when the
child is expecting it if possible, i.e. at the
same time every day from daycare if possible etc.
Give him some focused attention every day.

I hope these ideas help. Lots of little kids need
their parents to stay with them while they fall asleep.