bad temper and parenting

I almost fell down while caring my three month old because DD (2.5)
left her toys in the doorway. Granted, it was partly my fault for not
looking where I was going, but we've been butting heads for a couple of
days now and I'm starting to really lose patience, kind of waiting for
the straw to break the camel's back.
So, this is making me wonder, what do other people do when they are
about to lose it?

Chookie...

Can you structure your evenings so as to get more sleep, ie, go to bed earlier
yourself? I know 3mo means multiple night wakings; in fact, I have been
having this with DS2, who has just turned 1, but I see that The Tooth has come
through today -- hooray! Lack of sleep and lack of patience are strongly
correlated here!

DS1 is a bright and articulate child. Articulate is the word -- he talks...
and talks... and talks... and after a while I want him to just Be Quiet. But
he isn't built that way. And he's old enough to play outside by himself -- in
fact, that's what he's doing right now (with, no doubt, a constant
commentary). But some days, I just want to scream!!!

There is nothing wrong with putting your DD in front of a video while you go
outside with a cuppa and a book. Does she have a day-time sleep? What do you
do then?

Some time to focus on just you is important; so is time to focus on just DD.
She may be annoying you because she needs more attention. What do you do when
the baby is asleep and DD is not?

Suggestion:

Both kids asleep: uninterrupted Mummy Time -- no work of any sort. These
times are rare and should be celebrated ;-)
Baby asleep 1: special DD time
Baby asleep 2: video for DD; Mummy Time for you
DD asleep: things you can't do with her underfoot (things will change once
Bub is mobile).

Sarah

shinypenny...

You already got a lot of great advice. This group never ceases to amaze
me.

One thing that worked for me when my kids were that age was to give my
own self a time-out. "I need a moment. Let me take a time-out. Will you
set the timer for mommy while I go sit in the corner?"

You'd be surprised, especially if your 2.5 year old already gets
time-outs. She'll understand. She'll likely leave you alone, just as
you leave her alone while she regains herself in time-out. She may even
give you a big hug afterwards, and tell you it's okay, she still loves
you, even if you aren't perfect. :-)

Learn to be a good role model. By that, I don't mean that you should
never, ever blow your temper and always stay completely unruffled.
That's totally unrealistic - we *all* have bad days. You have an
opportunity here to teach your DD how to handle ugly emotions in a
constructive, healthy manner. By giving yourself a time-out when you
need it *before* you do something bad, she learns something valuable
she will take with her forever.

It is also not too early to teach your child labels for feelings.
"Honey, mommy is feeling frustrated/stressed right now" is different
than the child getting the unspoken message, "Mommy is upset at me."

Caledonia...

I heartily second this. I'm the queen of saying, "I'm getting very
frustrated and need to take some quiet time alone." One result has been
that both of my kids also acknowledge when they're frustrated (or
'frus-ter-a-ted', as they would say when toddlers), and choose to
remove themselves from situations to regroup. And we're all better --
calmer -- as a result.

Another thing that helped us was to sit down (after my own self-imposed
time-out) and read together the book, "Alexander and The Terrible,
Horrible, No-Good, Very-Bad Day." That one has always made all of us
feel better somehow! Especially when DD#2 was just an infant, and DD#1

dragonlady...

I remember buying that book, and the kids loved it. Then DH came home
from work, and the kids asked him to read it to them while I fixed
dinner. He had a hard time reading it. When he got to "I was as
careful as I could be, except for my elbow. My Dad said not to come to
his office any more." DH was laughing so hard he had tears streaming
down his face and could hardly breath.

It continues to be one of our favorites -- and our kids are grown, more
or less.

was dealing with having to share me and she had her own share of very
bad days.

Rev. Jack...

XANAX

Rev. Jack

My fish aren't very happy.
~~~~ }<((((x> ~~~~~~ }<{{{{x> ~~~~~~~ }<(((((x>

LaTreen Washington...

Inviato da X-Privat.Org - Registrazione gratuita http://www.x-privat.org/join.php

dragonlady...

Though it didn't happen often, I did, on rare occassion, call DH and
tell him he simply had to come home. Now.

He always did.

(When a fellow father-of-twins complained to him about his wife's
housekeeping -- after all, she'd quit her paying job and was HOME all
the time now, was it expecting too much to come home to a clean house
and a hot meal? -- DH responded, "I figure if the kids are alive at the
end of the day, my wife has done her job; anything else is a lovely
extra.")

I also insisted during those most difficult months that no matter HOW
bad work was, he had to be home for supper and to put the 3 yo to bed --
if he had to work extra hours, he'd have to go back in after she was
asleep. I could manage the two babies alone in the evening, but NOT the
two babies AND the toddler -- to heck with the camel, by the end of the
day, if I had to stay alone with them, I felt like *I* was going break.
(We lived close to his work, so the driving back and forth wasn't a
major issue.)

Those few times he had to go out of town were pretty rough.

Having someone you can call and tell them you ABSOLUTELY MUST have a
break is, sometimes, necessary.

There were also times when I just put the babies in their cribs, put the
3 yo in front of the TV with something I knew she'd like, and took a
shower. (The running water kept me from hearing any crying -- the thing
from which I needed a break.)

I also cut WAY back on my already minimal housekeeping. I broke down
and used paper plates, ordered pizza for dinner, and did my best to
minimize what I had to do. I discovered that the best use of a play pen
was to throw clean clothes into. It was during this period that I
started buying socks by the dozen (or several dozen) -- all white
matching socks, so there was no matching of socks to be done; just
throw them all in a basket. (While the kids were teens, all five of us
wore pretty much the same white tube socks; there was a huge basket of
them on the floor of the linen closet. These days, I consider my stash
of pretty socks a personal luxury!)

Finally, I hired a couple of 10 or 11 yo's as "mom's helpers" after
school a few days a week. They might play with the babies while I did
something more enjoyable with the 3 yo, they might do some light house
work for me, they might take all 3 kids to the family room while I
folded clothes or took a nap.

For my own sanity, I let the 3 yo watch more TV than was probably good
for her, but I found I could actually read the paper (a daily necessity
for me) while I nursed the twins and let her watch Sesame Street and Mr.
Rogers.

I took a nap whenever all three kids were alseep at once.

Know this period will end. It can be pretty miserable, and many of us
go through periods of not being sure we'll survive: some days, a kid
shaped hole in the wall sounds like a Real Good Idea.

Hang in there, and good luck.

chulls...

I found going outside to be a wonderful solution. I spent a lot of

bizby40...

It depends on what you mean by "about to lose it". If it's a feeling
that passes within a few seconds or minutes, you put the baby in the
crib, go into your room and close the door for a few minutes.

If it's longer term, then you need to make some changes to alleviate
the feeling. It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, and to wonder
why everyone else makes motherhood look so easy when it feels so hard
to you. It does generally get a bit better as time goes on and your
baby doesn't need such intensive care and you've got your routines
down pat.

Try to find something that relaxes you, and build a little time for it
into each day. The housework can go by the wayside if need be (but
kick those toys to the side!). Try to get out of the house if you
can. Sometimes new scenery can help everyone. Let your husband know
how you've been feeling, and maybe he can come up with a way to help.
Maybe you can hire a mother's helper (young teen) to come play with
the toddler sometimes while you get a break or get things done.

Mostly, don't feel guilty or like a bad mom for being stressed.
Motherhood is a hard job, and more stressful for some than others.
Don't let anyone else tell you what you should be able to do. Do what
you need to take care of yourself and your family.

timing walking when my kids were this age. I'd walk to the park and
then the toddler could enjoy running around and swinging. I'd walk to
do errands. I would invite a friend to go walking with me. The fresh
air seemed to do us all good, and if one or both was screaming, well,
it echoes less outside. If we didn't walk, then things like sidewalk
chalk, bubbles, or a small pool or sandbox were wonderful. The older
child could play while I spent time with the younger one. Another
advantage of being outside is that it is easier to ignore the
housework.... My two are quite a bit older now, and the end result
seems to be that they like to play outside a fair amount!