4 1/2 yo still wetting himself

an588...

I think he already knows it's not OK. Telling him again
would put too much pressure on him IMO and probably either just
make him feel bad, or actually contribute to the toilet problem.

I disagree with your conclusion that he is just refusing
to acknowledge a physical signal. There are a number of
other possibilities: he might not be getting much of
a physical signal. He might not be noticing the signal.
He might be getting a signal only a few seconds before
the accident, not enough time to get to the bathroom.
He may recognize the signal, and realize he's likely to
have an accident on the way to the bathroom, and be using
staying away from the bathroom as an effective short-term
solution (can work for an hour or so; avoiding thinking
about bathrooms can be part of a strategy for holding
it in.) This last would tend to be made worse by
punishments or criticism, even gentle criticism.

Shelley...

So then how to I solve the problem?

dragonlady...

I would disagree with the tone of this -- and disagree that he's being
willful about it. Though it's possible, it is unlikely. I'm sure he
knows it is not the norm to wet one's pants -- being punative about it,
which is what the tone of this posting suggests, isn't likely to be
helpful.

However, it is appropriate at some point to NOT "stop what you are
doing" to take care of this: he's old enough to clean himself up, and
to change his own clothes and rinse out the things he was wearing and
put them in the dirty clothes hamper. Making him responsible for
cleaning up after his accidents, along with the other suggestions of
having a regular toileting schedule, are more likely to be successful
than "expressing displeasure" with his accidents.

Shelley...

I like that. It sounds like a good idea. I think he's just to busy and
forgets then can't hold it. We've tried talking to him numerous times and
reminding him to stay dry. Maybe he needs actions (like rinsing his own
clothes) rather than just words.

Shelley

an588...

Maybe -- but the kid might see it as punitive.

dragonlady...

It depends a lot on how it's handled. If it is done matter of factly --
just another way that his growing maturity and independance is played
out, that he is now responsible for his own clothing during the day -- I
think it works. Especially if it is NOT coupled with language
indicating that the adults are frustrated/angry/put out or whatever that
he's wetting himself.

My 4 1/2 yo was potty trained a year ago yet continues to have a number of
accidents. Maybe 8-10 a week. My day care provider is getting frustrated
as it seems to happen more often there but he still does it at home too.

Any ideas on how we can get him to stop. I've heard you're not supposed to
punish for accidents but would it still be considered an accident after a
year or just laziness. Could he have some kind of bladder issue?