update to my dentist question

we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo

0tterbot...

no, but they (or the situation, rather) can be inherently "strange" or
"unusual" or "unfamiliar" for a little kid :-) i think "scary" is just too

toypup...

I've always had a nurse present if the gyn was male. They do it
automatically here. Some offices had a button the gyn pushes to signal for
a nurse when he's ready to do the exam.

emotive and strong a word for a situation like the dentist. but strange or
off-putting, often.

Banty...

Nan...

Hey, anyone can have an OTT initial reaction to something. Further
consideration will usually net a more rational response, in a
discussion. As I said to user, I think there's an emotional reaction
involved, but she is rational on further consideration.

Banty...

Then rational consideration is what she should emphasize.

Nan...

I think she has, in subsequent posts.

Oh true true they can be scary to a kid. My point is that it's not
*necessarily* true. And I think it's extremely easy for a parent to transmit to
their children that dentists and doctors are something to be feared. Telling
them they can talk about their scary feelings and fighting to be in the same
room being a way to pretty much guarantee that.

dragonlady...

I worked hard at not transmitting my fear of dentists to my kids -- I
know it's irrational -- and seem to have succeeded. My kids have never
had a problem. Both 20 yo's had their wisdom teeth out recently, and
both made all the arrangements without my involvement (including
arranging for someone else to bring them home), and my 23 yo had a
couple of root canals recently.

The kids didn't even know I HAD an issue with dentists until they were
older.

But one of the ways I kept my problem from becoming their problem was by
not being the parent present at the dentists' office!

personally i've never been in a dentists' room that doesn't have a couple of
chairs in the corner. so i sit in one of those & keep myself nice. and there
is no problem. most little kids aren't at all _scared_ of their first trip
to the dentist unless they have an anxious parent who's been projecting away
beforehand , but having a parent in the room with them is just reassuring
in a slightly odd situation & makes it less of a big deal for the little
ones. it heads off potential problems with fear rather than creates them,
imo. big kids don't need a parent there, of course.
kylie

Banty...

I dont' disagree that it may be a bad policy for a dentist to exclude parents as
a matter of course. I do understand some of the reasons behind it, and I think
the anxiousness expressed by Amy about it is way over the top. I agree that for
a lot of kids just having the parent in the room is reassurance that they need.

Ericka Kammerer...

My kids have never been afraid to go to the dentist,
and I'm sure they're not the only ones. That would suggest
that, in fact, there *isn't* anything *inherently* scary
about the dentist. If dentists (or hygienists) were inherently
scary, all kids would be afraid of them. Mine weren't, even
for the first time.
That said, I don't think it is necessary to insist
parents not be in the room. I have always been in the room
(at least most of the time), and it's handy because the
hygienist tells me what areas need additional work and
asks questions and so on and so forth.

Certainly, there may be nervous kids who don't
need any help to feel nervous about the dentist. I'm
not suggesting the *only* reason kids are scared of the
dentist is that their parents have made them so. I'm
just suggesting that it's by no means evident to me
that they're *inherently* scary.

Best wishes,
Ericka

was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they

Amy...

I said that dentistry counts as a medical procedure, not that it's
necessarily a scary one. However, if it turns out to be, I want to be
on hand.

user...

So being 10 steps away in the waiting room/reception area is too
far to bring quick comfort?

Penny Gaines...

I don't think I've ever been in a dentist surgery where the waiting
room is only 10 steps away. I think they've always been along the
corridor and in another room. Sometimes the waiting room is through
more then one door.

In addition, I've got a far better idea as to what *my* kid will find
scary then the dentist has.

FWIW, all dentists I've been to (at least five) have always expected me
to be in the room with the kids.
[snip]

Amy...

Because anyone who says, "I'm taking your kid somewhere, and you are
not allowed to come," makes me extremely nervous. That it doesn't make
YOU nervous leads me to the conclusion that you are the father of sons.

user...

I have both a son and a daughter. The fact that you're "extremely
nervous" about having a medical professional in a room with your child
merely shows that you're paranoid, and *totally* out of touch with
reality. Assuming that everyone is a potential abuser is simply
ridiculous. As I pointed out in another thread - statistically, you're
far better off keeping your children away from relatives and
family friends, than professional service providers. By your logic,
if you truly love your children, you don't let them interact with
other family members, because they're far more likely to be
abusers. Is that the case?

Personally, I find it far better to raise my children not to be
afraid of everyone or everything, or to assume the worst. That leads
to, well, paranoid adults.

don't allow parents in the room with the kid. Boo said no way

Amy...

A family affair?? It's not a trip to the circus. I hardly think that
having me stand in the corner of the room, observing and offering
comfort if necessary, makes it a "family affair."

user...

Is it to the child's benefit to have a parent constantly hovering
over them in every life event? Is it to their benefit to deprive
them of the chance to interact with other adults without having
a parent facilitate every interaction? Oh yeah, all adults are
potential abusers. (* rolls eyes *)

- Rich

Amy...

Well, if she grows up used to me being there, then that'll be normal
for her, and therefore not distracting.

Amy...

No, it's really not. But you raise your kids your way, I'll raise mine
my way.

dejablues...

The first dentist we went to wasn't a pediatric dentist, but he strongly
discouraged parents from being in the exam room, and I really didn't prefer
to be there, so that's how it went. DS got a filling then too, no problem -
he was about four. I really think parents can be distracting and can
reinforce the child's fears, because lot of them hate going to the dentist
themselves. (I happen to love going to the dentist, I find it relaxing.)

I would have stayed with that dentist but our insurance changed and the only
dentists that take our insurance now are very strange - exam rooms are open

bizby40...

I think what we have is a parent who recognizes that
there are things about the dentist that can be scary
to some children. I don't even know why you are
arguing against that. DD would go to playdates
with me and then sit on my lap the entire time because
she was too fearful to get up and play. She had to
be literally pried off of me at day care so that I
could go to work. Do you honestly think that
cheerfully sending her off into the room by herself
would have worked well with her? You thought
I went over the top in my description of how
scary the dentist can be, but I was writing from
her point of view. Things that I knew from
experience would be frightening for her.

DS was a whole different animal. Had both been
like him, or had he been my only, I might not have
seen the point either.

As for it being a matter of intent, I was referring
specifically to a tangent of Rosalie's.

and people walk in and out like it's a deli. The last time we were there
all the hygienists called out sick and I actually assisted the dentist in
doing a filling on my son's tooth. He should have paid me !

darth_breather...

That's yr choice and a valid one for you and yr kid/s.

I say it depends on the kid and parents and procedure. Aside from
comforting kid, its easier to understand the problem, if any, if you're
right there. We went in with the kids until the kids kicked us out.

Then again, our kids didn't see the dentist (any dentist) very much.

With young kids, I wouldn't consider a dentist/ doctor/ preschool/
school that denied parental access. Fine if the parent/s choose not to
be there.

(& i tend to agree with him. maybe NT kids don't need thier
parents advocating, but this guy was *totally* ignoring
everything i said about Boo's aversions while i was there.
what would he do if i wasn't?)
so, i rebooked him at our family dentist. he wore his ear
protectors & was fine. he had his last 3 fillings this morning
& he fell asleep! can't get much more relaxed than that ;)
lee