What would you do with this present?

We are spending Christmas with my husband's family this year, so we
had an early Christmas with my family last weekend. My mother had
called earlier to ask if it would be OK to give my 9 =BD yo a BB gun.
He's very mature and responsible and always very safety conscience,
so we agreed that would be fine. At the same time, she asked if it
would be OK to give my 7 =BD yo a slingshot. He tends to play more
violently, is afraid of nothing, and believes he's invincible. We
said "Absolutely not". My mom agreed to find something else and I
was very pleased that she had called to check on the appropriateness of
the gifts first.

Well, when my 7yo started to open his gift, my mother started laughing.
Imagine my surprise when he opens an air pistol that shoots plastic
pellets and is rated for ages 16 and up! He's totally thrilled and
jumping up and down. I am in shock. My BIL and my 16 yo nephews that

Penny Gaines...

[snip]

are borderline rednecks were even amazed and said "Wow, you have to
be really careful with that. Those can do a lot of damage."

In my family, the only time gifts are returned is if clothes are the
wrong size, and even then, it's understood they will be exchanged for
the same item if at all possible. Otherwise, it's considered very
rude to even mention returning a gift. So, what do I do? I was
already planning to not let him use his brother's BB gun (rated for
ages 10 and up) until he was older. Do I keep it stored away until he

sharonx9...

.>matures? Ask my mother to take it back and risk really offending her

matures? Ask my mother to take it back and risk really offending her

Nikki...

That is what I would do and I'm not anti gun. My 6yo is getting a BB Gun.

and making my son think I'm truly evil for ruining the fun? Do I
just need to relax, let him have it, and ensure we closely supervise?

Nan...

Ack. Okay, I know *I* wouldn't worry about offending my mom by
telling her it has to be returned, but I understand your concern.
You can always insist that it be put away and (gee son, that's 9 years
from now, so would you rather exchange it for something you can have
*now*?).

Banty...

Put the present away (like, in an attic or something) saying "the box says not
until you're 16", then maybe forget it forever on purpose if you'd rather ;)

You needn't use the present; you needn't let on how you're disposing of it
either. Problem solved.

If your MIL asks after it later - you can blame the age restriction, too! But
she really shouldn't ask what happened to the present. Do you see them often
enough and/or are they the type this is a problem?

Penny Gaines...

Given that your older son got a gun that was rated more or less appropriate
for his age, I would be inclined to act as if your mother had mistakenly
given your son a present intended for someone else. It would have been
easier to do something if she hadn't been there when your ds opened it.

Barbara...

If this had been us, I doubt I would have been pretending! *Surely* no
reasonable grandmother would give an impulsive seven year-old an air
gun intended for adults (ages 16 and over)!

Ettiquette, of course, demands that we ensure that the gift is accepted
in gratitude, and then dispose of it in accordance with our wishes.
But I'm not sure whether that extends to a gift that is intended as an
(excuse my language) *f**k you* to the child's parents. Grandma
laughing as kid starts to open the gift? Grandma knows that the gift
will clearly be unwelcome, as child is not permitted to have a
SLINGSHOT intended for young kids, little alone an adult air gun? It
sounds to me like granny is telling the OP that she'll do whatever she
darned well pleases, and OP better not ever try to cross her again or
she'll be gifting the kids with AK-47s.

Banty...

Maybe I read it wrong, but I think it was the *other* grandma, the mother of the
OP (vs. the MIL, who gave the airgun) who laughed.

bizby40...

Now see, I see it completely differently. Given that the
grandma actually asked about the slingshot and BB gun
ahead of time, and given that the older child got a BB
gun appropriate to his age, I really think this was a mistake.
I'm not sure *how* she could have seen this thing intended
for much older kids and thought it was okay for a young
child, but I think that somehow that is exactly what happened.

annie...

Turns out Bizby was actually closer to the truth. Yeah! I called my
mother last night and explained that we decided we would not let my son
have the gun. I let her know that we had done some research on it and
this type of gun is typically used for self-defense/home security and
that the semi-automatic aspect really made me nervous. Thankfully, she
was very agreeable. She said she certainly wouldn't want him to have
to wait 8 years to have it or have something that he could hurt himself
with, so she'll mail the receipt to me tomorrow and we can take him out
shopping for a new present.

However, she was also surprised. She told me that the salesman had
actually talked her into buying it as a safer companion to my other
son's BB gun. He said the "16 and up" age limit was just CYA for
insurance purposes, but that it was otherwise perfectly fine for a 7yo.
She also thought the laser sight would help him learn how to sight in
a target. So, turns out it was just a bit of a misunderstanding of the
type of gun she was buying.

As for my son, he's a little disappointed, but was quickly cheered up
when we told him he now had $25 to spend on whatever *age appropriate*
gift he wanted to get for himself.

Thanks to all for sharing your perspectives.

dragonlady...

My first thought was to suggest that Grandma would make a GREAT firt
target . . .

I think it's reasonable to point out to your mother that your son isn't
old enough for this gift, and as HER if she'd rather take it back to get
something more appropriate or have you put it away for the next 9 years.

I would say the thing is rated for 16 yo's for a reason, and it's OK for
you to be the Mean Mom who says he can't play with it until he's old
enough.

sharonx9...

I say that you ask you mother to take it back. This is not something to
play with. My son was shot with a BB gun when he was maybe 2 or 3 (it was
in his ribs and it didn't penetrate, thank goodness!). I know you're
talking about a pellet gun but they are still dangerous. I'd rather risk
offending her than having an eye shot out or worse. Besides, I wouldn't
allow my 7 yr old to have a pellet gun either. :-)

Ericka Kammerer...

It is absolutely NOT rude to return or otherwise get
rid of a gift as long as it is done discreetly so that the
giver does not realize it has been done. But this goes way
beyond that. This gift is clearly inappropriate. You are
well within your bounds to refuse to allow him to play with
something that is not age appropriate for him. You can put
it away for later or you can exchange it for something else.
In fact, I would probably sit down and give him the choice:
"Son, this toy is dangerous and inappropriate for your age.
We can put it away until you're age X, or we can go exchange
it for something you can play with now. Which would you
prefer?" Then, you have to deal with the issue of how
to deal with your mother. You could simply not say
anything about it (and a polite gift giver would not
be poking around to see what came of it). Or, you could
decide that this was an important enough safety issue
that you could tell your mother that in your judgement
it was not safe for him to play with that toy at this
time, so you gave him the choice of putting it away for
later or exchanging it for something he could play with
now.
You are under no obligation whatsoever from
etiquette to allow your children to have anything that
you feel is dangerous or inappropriate for them. The
only obligation you have to the giver is to thank her
kindly for the gift. Etiquette does not say you have
to keep or use the gift.

Best wishes,
Ericka