Totally OT obsessing about preschool

Sigh. Okay, since we're getting all friendly with misc.kids (-: I'm
cross-posting this from ASSP. But I don't read you guys all the time, so
keep the cross-post if you can help, okay?

My 3yo is about to go to preschool. We're enrolled, we've been doing the
summer orientation stuff, I'm trying to work through MY horrific separation
anxiety. He's been really uptight about it, we discovered recently part of
that came from the fact that he thought his half-brother _lived_ at school
when he wasn't with us. That's fixed with more explanation of his
half-brother's mom. But he's still worried.

My kid is reserved, very sensitive, and slow to warm to new/unfamiliar
situations. He's incredibly smart (if I do say so myself...) - knows the
alphabet, counts to 30, knows most of the states, early math concepts,
beginning to write. He's ready/needs more stimulation than I can give him,
esp with twin 9month old sisters. The bit I worry about is he's not
experienced playing with a lot of other kids. Has a few friends, but isn't
the kid on the playground jumping up and down playing with strangers,
IYKWIM.

My friend down the street has a kid with a very similar temperament to my
son. She just pulled her kid from _his_ preschool because "the room was too
big and there were too many kids" - apparently the director suggested to her
that those two factors were contributing to his troubles adjusting there.

Gulp. The school I'm enrolled in is a big room and 24 kids. But the ratio
is 4:1, which is lower than most schools around here. AND it's a coop, so
I'll be there every so often working.

Anyone know anything about the whole big room/little room thing?

toypup...

DS is starting kindergarten and I was a little worried about his adjustment.
I've taken him to their open house and we went to the kindergarten
evaluation to be tested and meet the teacher. At the open house, he did not
want to go to kindergarten, but after some time, he got excited about the
equipment. Meeting the teacher helped him with his anxiety and now he's
excited to go to kindergarten, talks about his new teacher and new school,
so I feel quite good about it.

For preschool, we took a tour of the school before starting and met with the
teacher. That was all DS needed. For DD, she knew what the school was
like, but she was still anxious. I sat in class the first 10 minutes each
day until she seemed settled. I'd help her start an interesting activity
like Playdough and then left. That took a few days. If the school wouldn't
allow it, I'd insist, because I know my children and know my own comfort
level in dealing with them. If they refused, then I'd choose another
school. Anyway, you could try that.

toto...

In preschools, much depends on the room arrangement. With 24 kids,
the room needs to be big enough to satisfy the per child space
requirement the state has. Four to one is a good ratio with this many
children. That means essentially that there is one adult to very 6
chidren so the kids will probably be working in small groups more than
in larger ones.

toypup...

Doesn't 4:1 mean 4 children to 1 adult?

toto...

Yeah, it would. I read it as 4 teachers in the room and 24 children
which would be 6 to 1.

Take a look at the room itself. Are there centers arranged in a way
that discourages running. Open spaces are not good for this many
children at this age so you want traffic patterns that allow kids easy
access from one area to another, but the space should be broken up
so that the kids don't feel a need to run from one end of the room to
another.

Slow to warm children are not hard for teachers to deal with if they
know that your child is slow to warm, so do tell the teachers about
this before they have to observe it for themselves.

To help with the separation anxiety, read books about going to school.
I recommend The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn because it has a good
ritual for drop off that parents can act out and follow, but other
books are good too.

Ericka Kammerer...

Hmmm...the preschool all of my kids have gone to
has smaller classes (10-15 kids with 2 teachers), which has
worked very nicely for all of them. It wasn't too small for
the social butterflies and wasn't too big for the more
reserved one. My third (who just turned 3 years old) went
to Vacation Bible School this year (at the same place as
her preschool), but was in a big room with 25 kids and 4-5
teachers and mostly older kids (she was technically too
young to be there, but they made an exception because I
was teaching one of the other classes) and she did just
fine. On the other hand, she's a third born natural
social butterfly and VBS is only a week long.

I'm not sure what to suggest in your situation,
except to say that my general rule is not to borrow
trouble. Too often we let *our* fears limit our
children's worlds, and that doesn't do anyone any
good. I would probably start out by getting and

rebecca...

My challenge in a nutshell. I've been insane all summer, working *very*
hard not to let my anxiety mess him up about it. When I made the decision
to enroll him, it seemed thoughtful and right, and now I'm so freaked out I
just keep second guessing myself.

communicating enthusiasm about the school and the
fun he'll have there. I'd talk to the teachers and
explain his worry from his half brother's experience
and also discuss his temperament and ask them to
help facilitate his interactions. That's what they're
there for. They should be happy to do that and provide
you with feedback on how it's going. Then, I'd give
him a good month or two with lots of support and
encouragement and enthusiasm and see how he's doing.
I don't see any reason why he couldn't succeed there.
Yes, it's a lot of kids, but on the other hand, he's
living with infant twins so it's not like he's a
stranger to a little noise and chaos, I'm sure ;-)
If the teachers know what they're doing, they should
be able to support him in this environment. I'd
have every expectation for success, though it might
take a little while for him to adjust. The only
time I'd really worry in advance is with a kid who
was known to have some real behavioral challenges,
like ADHD or other disorders that are significantly
affected by a busy environment.

Best wishes,
Ericka

TIA,
Rebecca