opinion needed

Hey fellow parents!

I would like some other parents opinion about an issue before I take it up
with my husband.

We have a very-soon-to-be one year old son. When he's alone with me,
everythin is just fine. We play together, but when I need to get something
done or just want to sit back for a minute, it's no big deal to DS and he
goes about playing independently.

My husband, on the other hand, constantly picks DS up at any little
whimper... always has. My husband has difficulty getting anything done when
he's alone with my son. Anytime we're all together, my husband HAS TO hand
DS off to me so he can get things done, yet I'm able to get the same things
done without having to rely on DH. Lately, this has even become a problem as

stasya...

Hey I can totally relate to this. My dh likes to hold the baby, spend
some time with our kids, but his attention span really only lasts for
about ten minutes. So I'll be in the middle of something, and he'll
say, "Here, take this kid". I'm like, so put him/her down. I don't
really NEED to hold him/her, just get the child involved with
something, then walk away. Then if he won't, I tend to get exasperated
and say something along the lines of "What the heck do you think *I* do
when I have work to do? Snap my fingers and the kids go to magical
pixie babysitterland? So deal with it." GGrrr.

Irrational Number...

My gut reaction is: don't worry about it. Let
your son be as he is and let your husband deal
with it as he does. It will resolve itself in
time. Really and truly.

I bet your husband has less time to spend with
the baby, right? He works, comes home, has maybe
one hour before baby falls asleep. In the mornings,
he probably sees baby for half an hour..? On
weekends, he is torn between doing stuff around
the house and playing with baby.

Well, don't worry about it. One day, your husband
will have to get the new printer installed and he
will just have to let baby fuss about a little
bit. Or, you will have a weekly get-together
with a reading group and it will not be so
"special" anymore for DH to take care of baby,
so he will figure out his rhythm.

Just LET DH BE. Your son will not be spoiled.
At almost one year old, he still needs lots of
holding and cuddling and let DH do it. Also,
there is a good period of time from about 9 months
to 18 months where children goes through lots of
separation anxiety, so your son may be crying
about that, whether DH was ever always holding
him or not.

My experience... Similar kind of thing. DH was
great with Pillbug, but nothing got done around
the house. The theatre group asked me to do a
show, which meant rehearsals every weeknight for
a couple of months. Since DH was used to taking
care of Pillbug, it worked out great. I got to
do my show, he took care of Pillbug. Yes, I
still had to clean up when I got home, but it's
not a big deal. We all got what we wanted.

DS cries the whole time that I have him when DH is home now. It's so
frustrating!

Banty...

Some of it may be that he has a different style, some of it may be that he does
different kinds of things around the house (if he does). For example, as a
single mother from the beginning, I found that could do light housework with
baby on hip or on the floor, but for certain tasks, especially outside tasks
like trimming hedges and inside tasks with tools down on the floor, I needed a
crawling or toddling-age baby to be napping. Those may be the kind of tasks
your husband tends to be the one doing.

Just something to consider.

The problem is that I'm worried that my son is/will become spoiled and learn
that crying gets him attention. He's so different when DH is around. It's

Jeff...

I think that you need to use the present tense here. Your son *is* spoiled
and *has* learned that crying gets him attention.

now getting to the point that he's crying to be held by his Dad even when

Jeff...

DH trained DS perfectly to cry when DS wants attention. The only way out of
this situation is for DH to train DS that DS will amuse himself when DH
needs to get something done. There will be a lot of crying, upset feelings,
etc. But DH will get over it. So will DS.

I'm home. I cannot hold him for long as he's 27lbs, so I can't even compete
with Dad on this even if I wanted to... which I don't.

Jeff...

Go to the gym. ;-)

I've briefly mentioned this to my DH, but he plays it off as "I can't just
let him cry... he just wants to be held." I personally think that my husband
needs to not pick him up all the time and let him become more independent.

Jeff...

The question is not what does DS want. It is what does DS need? The answer
is the ability to play by himself.

Like I said, when he's with me, he's happy as can be whether I'm playing
with him or doing dishes. The behavioour I'm seeing is frustating me!

toypup...

I think you should let it alone. Your DH and DS will work it out. They
will have a different relationship from yours. That's just how it is. If
your DH becomes annoyed with the behavior, he will put a stop to it or find
a way to work it out. Meanwhile, let it be.

Jeff...

I think toypup and irrational number are correct. let it be. They will work
it out. As DS and DH get older (and wiser), their relationship will change.
They will figure it out. Besides, I doubt when DS is 17, he will want DH to
pick him up and hug him all that much. ;-)

BTW... both my husband and I work and spend an equal amount of time with
him, so it's not about missing him more or anything.

Am I justified in thinking that my husband needs to unwrap himself from DS's
little finger just a bit?

Jeff...

No, he needs to unwrap his himself from DS little finger a lot.

Jeff

Thanks for your opionions.