my almost three year won't stop hitting

I need help!!!

My almost three year old hits my wife and I in the face and yells "NO!"

Nikki...

This is what worked for my son when he was 2yr9mo old.

1) Prevent as many hits as you can by intercepting him.
2) When he does hit or when you intercept his hands hold his hands together
inside yours and say "No hitting. Keep calm (or gentle) hands. I'll help
you for now." and I held his hands for as long as it took for him to know I
was serious and to be calm enough to not start swinging the second I let go.
You can change that language to match your way of communicating but that is
the gist. I'd make sure the word hitting appeared at the beginning and not
the end though because they'll remember the last words.
3) We gave him words to use. "I'm upset" and even stamped our foot. He
didn't talk yet and didn't for quite awhile after that but it *did* help in
the long run because once he was able to talk he used that phrase
appropriately and affectively. I responded with empathy and understanding
*every* time he used the phrase (or showed me he was upset without hitting)
no matter what the situation was.
4) We took a look at his whole life to see what other things we could change
that would help. This will be different for each family but I'll share what
we did to give an example. More one:one time with dad. More physical
play/wrestling. He was always a bit sleep deprived so we worked very hard
to get him to be alone for at least an hour a day to unwind - even though he
wouldn't sleep. We watched him extra close during times we knew he was
tired. Food didn't seem to make a difference for him but some kids get
pretty out of control if they are hungry (my other son does).

Like you, we struggled with this for quite some time. Once we did the steps
above...it ended in less then two weeks.

all the time...

Many of you may say "welcome to child raising" , but seriously... I
need help.

We spanked and felt like hypocrites....

We gave him time outs......

We've talked to him....

dragonlady...

1 - Don't let him hit you. Stay aware enough to grab his hand and STOP
him. That's the primary thing with kids this age -- keeping them from
doing the things they aren't supposed to do.

2 - Make sure you model how you DO want to be touched.

3 - On the rare occassion that you are unable to grab his hand before he
hits you, put him down immediately and walk away.

4 - Give him the word he needs for his emotions, and praise him for
appropriate use of words. And, on occassion, that includes saying "NO!"

Talking to him is pretty pointless -- it isn't a bad thing to do, just
not likely to be effective.

Spanking has always struck me as particularly pointless in this case --
how can you hit him to show that hitting is wrong?

Chookie...

Children don't have much empathy. DS1 has never been much of a hitter, but
his finding out what what hitting feels like *has* been part of our response.
Me: Did you like it?
DS1: No!
Me: Neither do I. Don't hit!

I never found time outs to be effective for this behavior, either.
Instead, take yourself away from him -- and be clear that you will not
sit next to/hold someone who is hitting you or trying to hit you. But
don't argue with him, and don't take forever.

Chookie...

It depends a bit on the child. I feel that social isolation is an appropriate
punishment for anti-social behaviour. DS1 is very sociable and *hates*
time-out!

However, we need to look at the prevention aspect too. To me, a misbehaving
child is often an overtired, overwhelmed or a hungry one.

Stephanie...

In our case, the only way to get 2yo dd to be away from me, and not follow
me around to club the snot out of me, is to contain her in her crib. It is
so infrequent with her, that it is not a big deal.

dragonlady...

That works -- though I tended to go the other direction. I'd go into my
bedroom and close the door. (Not for long -- but just as effectively
taking myself out of harms way!)