13 month old refuses to eat everything

Hello, all,

I have a 13 month old who just does not eat. Mealtimes are a waste of
time and nerves for everyone, because he just would not open his mouth.
As soon as he sees a spoon, he shuts his mouth and turns his head. He
would nibble on cheerios, pieces of tomato or pieces of soft cheese.
But that is it. He would not eat any other finger food. The daily
amount that he takes in would not even be enough for one meal, let
alone the whole day.

lisabell...

Neither of my kids ate very much solid food before age 2. They had
formula, not milk, until they were eating regular meals, but honestly,
apart from a big comfort sucking fetish I don't think it ultimately
affected their eating. They ate when they were ready, and they are both
good eaters now.

What I would do in your shoes, however, is to first try to reverse the
feeding times to mostly daytime bottles first. If he is feeding mostly
at night, it is going to be that much harder to introduce food because
it won't be appropriate to offer them during the night. Once he is more
accustomed to having bottles during the day and not the night, keep
offering food and he will eventually eat it. Kids don't go to school on
formula :)

Nikki...

My oldest was a lot like this although he was always like that, it wasn't a
change from anything. He reverse cycled early on and so got most of his
milk at night. He did not eat any solids until he was 10mos, he barely
nibbled then and only at the sitters house. At 15mos he was still going all
day with mostly milk (perhaps a 1/4 cup solids during the day - a bit more
with the sitter).

I'll share how it panned out for me. My son was very big and growing fine
so it was easy for me not to worry because he was so clearly getting what he
needed. I did not use formula but I did nurse. If he had not been nursing
I would have likely been more concerned about his nutrition and might have
looked into formula or pediasure.

I offered him finger foods at every meal. I didn't care if he ate them or
not. I discovered that almost any food can be a finger food ;-) He did not
want a spoon from me so I let him use his own. He had one at every meal,
even with the finger foods. He started getting food from spoon to mouth on
his own by 14mos. and by 18mo he was really good at it. Much sooner then
my second son, who allowed me to spoon feed him. Just let the stress of the
mess go. He will make a mess - a big mess. You can't let this get in the
way of him eating. If he quit eating and was just flinging food I put him
down. He ate much better on our laps so that is what we did. I do
understand that some people just can't go there ;-) He ate much better on
daddy's lap in the living room before bed. They would share a plate. *I*
couldn't go there but dh didn't mind. He ate very flavorful foods much
better then the bland ones. You might also try putting food down on a kid
picnic table so he can 'graze'. I didn't do that but I've heard it
recommended.

He would often not eat the solids until I nursed him a little bit first. He
was very stubborn about that. Would he be more open to the solids if he had
a few ounces by bottle or sippy first? When he finally night weaned he did
start eating more regularly during the day. I would suggest cutting his
night bottles down by an ounce every few nights so that he is more hungry
during the day.

Don't be distressed by the small amounts. My two oldest boys are 24mos
apart. The 9mo old baby regularly ate twice as much during the day as the
nearly 3yo. That is just the way they are!

He used to eat alright until about 3 weeks ago, when he got sick. He
had no appetite, so we bottlefed him in bits throughout the day and
night. I think he grew to like it that way, and now refuses the spoon.

Chookie...

First thing: make sure you are not rewarding DS with attention when he refuses
food. Children work out very quickly that *they* control what they eat, and
that it's a hot button for parents if they refuse to eat.

elanamig...

I don't think I am rewarding him. It's true, he's the one in control
of what he eats, but I figure that if he's really hungry, he'll be more
inclined to eat a regular meal. The trouble is, he is either not
hungry (due to night feedings), or not interested. He does not refuse
to eat something because he wants something else. He just does not
want to eat. If I wouldn't interrupt him and put him in his high chair

Penny Gaines...

Firstly some people - and this includes toddlers - find that if their
blood sugar levels get too low, they get very fussy about what they will
it. I can imagine that a toddler might refuse to go in the hair chair
because he only wants milk and knows he won't get it there.

If I wouldn't interrupt him and put him in his high chair

(also with lots of persuasion), he would go the entire day without
asking for food (tried that too, hoping that eventually he'd tell me
that he's hungry)

Penny Gaines...

At 13mo, how would he tell you he is hungry? Are you absolutely certain
you haven't missed his hunger cues?

toypup...

At 13 mo, DS wouldn't eat if he wasn't offered food. He could go a whole
day without eating and he'd look fine. IL's took care of him one day and
didn't feed him lunch or dinner because he didn't ask for food. They said
he was fine and just fed him a few crackers.

elanamig...

I watch for the level of chewing of toys. If he starts to chew
aggressively, usually, he's hungry, and I'd offer food. I also put him
in his high chair every 4 hours. I tried not to offier him food unless
he asked (chewed on toys, or answered "Um, Um" to keyword "Eat") as an
experiment one day, to see if he'd get hungrier and eat better towards
the evening. He did not, and barely ate at dinner time. So on the
regular basis, I do sit him down to eat at least every 4 hours, and
sooner if I see that he's chewing more than usual.

JennP...

elanamig...

Jenn, thanks for your reply. It's ironic, but I didn't formula feed
either. I breastfed until recently, but I went back to work, and he
was eating pretty well with hardly any milk intake, so I figured it's
safe to stop. A month after that, he's back to liquid foods, and I
have no milk left, so formula it is...

I'm really trying not to encourage his behavior, but on the other hand,
I'm freaking out when he skips meal after meal, day after day. Perhaps
he's one of those babies who's not really bothered by hunger, and knows
that evenually mom will give in and will give him the bottle.

You do realize that toddlers chew toys for teething and soothing reasons,
not necessarily because they are hungry? I would look for other cues like
onset of crankiness, making a certain noise (my dd would go "eh,eh,eh,eh")

elanamig...

Before this food strike, I would notice that he's hungry when he'd
start to chew on random objects. Even when he is teething, he isn't
much of a chewer, so I know that when he bites his toys, he wants to
eat. Also, I would periodically tell him "Eat, eat". He knows this
word, and would reply with "Um, Um", and get up to go to the kitchen.
If he doesn't reply, he's not interested. Well, lately, he doesn't
chew on toys, and my "Eat, Eat" prompts go unanswered. At certain
intervals (every 4 hours, lets say), I'd pick him up and would put him
in his high chair (by showing him a piece of bread or cheerios,
otherwise it'd be a power struggle) and would try feeding him. Doesn't
really work.

toypup...

I have one of those. It's hard not to worry. DS once skipped dinner and
then breakfast and lunch the next day. He did not finish that off with a
big dinner after that hunger strike; it looked more like a light snack. To
top it off, he was only in the 3rd percentile, so it wasn't like he could
afford not to eat. Nevertheless, he's grown and now he's 40th percentile
for weight last we checked (though I think it was the prednisone talking,
he's probably more like 30th percentile).

DS still frequently skips dinner because he does not like what's being
served. I try to offer one thing that he will eat, like bread, but he
sometimes won't eat that. I can't short-order cook for him because he has a
very limited palate and DD only wants to eat what he eats, so she would up
with the same poor diet. I do make one deal that if he tries just one bite
of any of the dishes on the menu and he doesn't like it, he can have
whatever he wants that's not junk food after we're all done eating, but he
won't even do that. He'd rather starve.

tedneeley...

I don't have any useful advice for you, just empathy. I'm so relieved
to know that there are other parents like me and other kids like mine.
It's like this at our house too about once a week.

lisabell...

I used to worry that my kids would turn out to be very fussy eaters
too. One of the stategies that has seemed to work very well for us is
to specifically talk to them about the food content and about the need
for a varied and nutritious diet. When we all sit down for a meal we
discuss what the various food groups on the table are and what is the
benefit of each type of food. We try to associate this with tangible
benefits they can appreciate, like "carrots have lots of vitamin A
which is good for your eyes. Remember how you noticed that balloon way
up in the sky yesterday? That may be because your vision is very good
from all the carrots you eat...".

toypup...

That's only good if the child eats carrots. If the child doesn't eat
carrots but can see the balloons, he doesn't see the need for carrots.

Welches...

Lol. My dad used to say "eat it-it'll put hairs on your chest". I'm not sure
how old my sister was when she said "I don't want a hairy chest" and refused
to eat".
Debbie

Rosalie B....

And also there are lots of other ways to get Vitamin A. I would NOT

lisabell...

That only makes it better. If you can talk about the different ways to
get different vitamins, they can decide to eat source B if they don't
like source A, and so on.

toypup...

LOL, DS would just tell me he wants a vitamin.

go there. Some kids will resist eating BECAUSE you tell them it is
nutritious - they will sense that you really want them to eat and they
can 'get your goat' by not eating it.

lisabell...

Seems to me a bit like saying some kid might refuse to brush his teeth
if you tell him it will prevent cavities. The whole point with food is
not to ram it down his throat and create a power battle by telling him
he *must* eat it or he must try it, but to educate him about food
choices and what underlies them (valuable information in itself, IMHO).
Ultimately he/she will make the choices about what to eat himself, I am
merely suggesting one arm him with a good basis for making such
choices, sooner rather than later.

lisabell...

Carrots were just an example. With a little imagination it can be
adapted to anything. The point is that when you reinforce the healthy
things they do eat, and they gain some understanding of their purpose,
they are encouraged to take an interest in other things.

Understanding something of the nutritional content of what they eat
does seem to motivate them to eat better, and to have a better
understanding of the need for varied foods. When we are out and they
encounter unfamiliar foods they will often ask if it is nutritious and
what it is good for. It also helps them understand that eating is not
all about what tastes good, and while junk food might taste good it
doesn't help their bones to grow, their immune system to fight off
illnesses, or their muscles to be strong. A friend of mine with a fussy
toddler simplifies this to "this burger will help make you strong like
superman", with some success.

toypup...

DH is extremely picky. If the kids see him being picky and he's big and
strong, so far as they can tell, it doesn't help that argument, true as it
may be. Considering he won't try unfamiliar food, it's hard to get the kids
to do it, though I can sometimes get DD to try new things.

Rosalie B....

Also, our concepts of what is 'good' and nutritious change over the
years. When I was bringing up my kids, there was no information or
knowledge that trans-fats were bad.

lisabell...

What's your point? Nutritional information is continuously being
discovered, as is medical information. That's hardly an excuse to
ignore it.

For any child that has pickiness issues or any child that is the least
bit rebellious, this is a strategy that is going to backfire.

lisabell...

Well, we have both a picky child who has issues with smells and
textures of food, and a very independant and obstinate child. Few years
ago we had serious limitations on what they would eat, I believe I even
posted to this group about it. Now I would say they are among the
better eaters in their peer group and other parents who sometimes feed
them are constantly commenting on what good eaters they are. FWIW.

toypup...

I think it might be a maturing of taste buds and the child. I know I was a
picky eater and what brought me out of that was my taste buds changing.
When I was picky, everything had a very powerful, overwhelming taste. I
remember knowing that carrots were good for the eyes and teachers telling us
to eat spinach so we can grow big and strong like Popeye (sounds like a bad
example, but the kids liked Popeye). Didn't do a bit of good motivating me.

lisabell...

Then support DD's healthy choices and you might find your son gets
drawn into them. I also strongly believe talking about the food and its
content without necessarily trying to tell the kid they must try it,
can make them want to try it of their own accord. I found that the "you
must try one bite of this even if it makes you gag" approach failed
miserably in comparison, because even if they did take that one bite,
they were already decided and never became motivated to try a second
bite.

Just some ideas...

Att 13mo there is no need to feed your child pureed/mashed food unless he
likes it. Give him what you are eating, a few morsels at a time, and let him
eat it with his fingers. I can't help you about the bottles of milk (I am
BFing my 15mo), but would it be possible to give him smaller amounts more
frequently?

elanamig...

I don't only feed pureed/mashed food, but majority of his food at this
stage is given with spoon. Pasta, soups, cut up meat, yogurts, etc...
If he self-feeds pasta or meat, half at least will be on the floor.
But I'd go for it if he'd take it. He won't. No meat for him, and
pasta is much more fun all over the table than in his mouth.

Penny Gaines...

Do you mean he is delibrately dropping it, or is he just being a messy
eater?

elanamig...

Oh, no, deliberately, 100%. He'd drop the food and watch it hit the
floor, and if I give him another piece, it would follow. He would make
no attempt whats so ever to even try to put it in his mouth.

JennP...

:) He's learning cause and effect. He's most likely deliberately dropping
food because he likes watching you pick it up or get a reaction with you.
Honestly, everything you say does sound pretty typical of of the range of
behavior you can expect from a 13 month old.

JennP...

Try giving him the spoon himself. At about 12 months both of my kids didn't
want to be fed by me anymore. They wanted to feed themselves with a spoon.

elanamig...

Jenn,
He'd play around with a spoon, stick in into the bowl of food, and dump
the content promptly on the floor. I'm resorting now to supplemental
formula feedings, because he looks thinner. Made an appt. with our
doctor to weigh/measure him.

JennP...

There is such thing as the "toddler appetite slump" (do a web search)
where toddlers seem to live off of just air for a while. I know both my kids
went through it and it is quite normal. Just keep offering a variety of
flavors and textures at every meal.

It is a good idea for him to be weighed if he looks thinner but just know
that the appetite slump can be a totally normal stage. Let us know what the
ped says.

I tried snacks, but it's the same story. He would only eat a selected
few finger foods, either at meal time, or throughout the day, and the
total amount that he eats is minute.

Penny Gaines...

One think I observed with one of mine, is that he would spend two or
three days apparently living on air, and then the next day or two eating
lots and lots. Keeping a food diary over a week might show that he is
actually eating more then it seems, because the eating pattern is so uneven.

elanamig...

I'd give it a shot, though I'm pessimistic about it. It's a good idea
in general though, so I'll try. Thanks.

JennP...

Stop being so pessimistic then! :) Unless there is something severely wrong,
he's not going to starve himself. My ped tell us to look at their food
intake over time, a week or several days. Forget aobut meal by meal or even
day by day. Of course, see your ped if you are concerned.

Consider also that he might be teething. DS2 is cutting four molars all at
once, and sucking is comforting. He also prefers firm foods to soothe his
gums.

elanamig...

He might be teething. But teething never resulted in loss of appetite
before. He would become irritated and would bite, but still would eat
regularly.

Today I tried using bread instead of the spoon to scoop up his food.
He actually ate, to my great surprise...

elanamig...

Too bad it was a one time event. Using bread instead of a spoon does
not work anymore. My entire extended family is out of ideas at this
point. We'll see what the doc will say on Saturday...

He does take a bottle eagerly. We don't give him juices or milk during
the day, hoping that he will get hungry eventually, and would eat.
However, that does not happen. He would go without food the whole day,
but would wake up several times during the night, and won't quiet down
until he is given a bottle of milk. He takes about 3 full 8 oz bottles
at night, and hardly anything during the day.

I tried not to give him a bottle at night, or give him water only, but
that doesn't really work in my case, because he cries and cries, and no
one in my family gets any sleep, and all adults go to work during the
day. Besides, I think he lost some weight during these weeks too, and
so I resort to these night feedings to give him at least a few
calories.

Sometimes I even give him formula at night, to make sure that he's
getting some nutrients. My son would be most happy eating only formula
now. But I don't think this is normal for a 13 month old. My doctor
would suggest PediaSure as a source of nutrition, but that does not
solve the problem: How do I get my child to eat again?

Thank you so much for your thoughts!!
Elana