Daycare question for 2-year-old??

My child is almost 2. Until now, she was taken care of by a nanny. I
hasten to say that we like the nanny, and my child is learning things
(she knows her animals, colors, shapes).

For a variety of reasons, we decided to try a daycare center. Here are
the reasons:
1. My child will get exposed to other kids.

-L....

There are ways to do this without putting her in daycare.

2. We hope it will prevent further spoiling her (she thinks, naturally,
that she is the center of the universe right now, and she is slightly
spoiled, I have to admit)

StephanieTheGoofy...

Whether or not she goes to daycare, if she is spoiled it should be stopped
at home with both the nanny and Mom and Dad. Set limits. If this is
difficult or you don't know how, read Setting Limits or some other such good
book

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Support your provider!

-L....

There are ways to do this without putting her in daycare.

3. In daycare, she'll get to do messy activities that I don't usually
tolerate at home (finger painting, for example).

StephanieTheGoofy...

I am curious why you don't "tolerate' this sort of thing at home?

-L....

Why not? If a kid can't be a kid at home, why have a kid?

4. In daycare, they have more toys than I am able or willing to provide
at home.

-L....

Again, if it is a toy the child can benefit from, why not? You
obviously have the financial means to buy toys, if you have a nanny.

5. She has been resistent to potty-training, and we hope that if she
sees other kids doing it, she'll use the potty, too.

StephanieTheGoofy...

She is 2. Most daycares won't have any more progress than you will at
training a 2yo.

-L....

While that does help, I don't see that as a valid reason to seek
daycare. Most kids don't train until closer to 3, anyway.

6. Finally, everybody says that if she doesn't get used to daycare now,
it will be more difficult for her to go to preschool when she is 3.

StephanieTheGoofy...

Everyone is full of horse pucky.

-L....

That's ridiculous. There are a number of places your child can
interact with other children, without resorting to daycare. I have
seen the differences in behavior between children who attend daycare
and those who do not. No thanks.

My child has been in daycare for a week (half day), and she is crying
when I drop her off. I am really very conflicted about this.

snapdragon695...

First, does she cry the whole half day or just at drop off?

You've gotten some really good comments on this so I just have one more
thing to add. One thing that daycares I am acquainted with do (my
daughter has been in daycare for 5 months, since she was a year old) is
that they have a transition week (or two) so you don't drop them off
alone until they are used to it. Basically the first half-day you go
with the child, then if they are doing well maybe the next day you
leave the child alone for a bit, and by the end of the week work up to
a full or almost full day alone. If it's taking longer for the child to
adjust you continue going with them into the second week.

I was just wondering if you had this kind of transition time with your
daughter. Also if she is just crying when you drop her off then going
on to have fun I wouldn't worry about it. It will likely stop soon.

Daycare vs. nanny is a decision very specifc to the needs of your kids
and your family.

toto...

Does she go 5 days a week or what? If it is one or two half days per
week, then she probably will take longer to adjust than if she goes
every day.

Can parents with kids this age please comment on my list of reasons for
daycare? In your experience, are kids who go to daycare when they are 2
better adjusted for preschool?

toto...

Not necessarily. I don't think kids *need* school at 2, though it's
not a *bad* experience if the school is the right one for the child.
Messy play is good, but can be done at home. Exposure to other kids
can be done at the park or in mommy and me activities (or nanny and me
in your case).

Thank you for reading!

Ericka Kammerer...

It is not uncommon for some 2yos to have a very
difficult time transitioning to school. I think the
argument that she needs to be in school at 2 years old
because otherwise she'll have a hard time at 3 years old
is *completely* bogus. There are many kids who are
ready at three but not particularly ready at 2.
She will eventually adjust. She may be perfectly
ready to go now and is just going through a bit of a
transition, or it may be earlier than would be ideal for
her to go. Does that matter? If it's earlier than is
ideal for her to go, would you switch back? If you're
committed to the daycare, then be positive and supportive
and get on with it (after making sure that the staff
are handling the situation appropriately). If you are
stressing out over it, you're just going to make it worse
for her.
On the flip side, if you think she's not in a
great spot developmentally to do this, and you are
willing to back off, then by all means do that. It's
flat out ridiculous to say that a child who is not
even 2 years old yet is going to be damaged somehow
by quality care at home. It is certainly within
your ability to stop spoiling her and arrange for
some of the messier play to happen (or have your nanny
do so).
The main thing is that you have to make your
best assessment of what's best for her, and then do
it without all the waffling. Kids are resilient.
They learn to adapt to situations. You just don't
want to waffle back and forth and agonize over
everything all the time. That gives them a very
unsettled feeling and makes them anxious.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Gia