no confidence?

time...

teacher

toypup...

Are you living in your land of origin? Is this behavior normal where you
are from? I live the U.S. in an area with lots of Asians. The Asian kids
with parents who are recent immigrants tend to be much more reserved
compared to those with Americanized parents. In fact, I am Asian, and I
really notice the difference. I think it's a cultural thing.

Jeff...

I thought you (time, the OP) were Asian. I picked that up from the way you
phrased your words in your post (I had a lot of friends from Asia in grad
school).

I think she is completely normal. Being from two cultures (part Asian, part
US or other immigrant country), your daughter tends to do what is familiar
to her, which is be quiet and respectful.

Some things you might want to do is talk to her teacher. Maybe her teacher
can give her some leadership roles in the classroom, like taking attendance,
handing out papers, maybe leading some small groups in learning things.
Depending on what's available, she might even help tutor a younger kid. She
could also become a class representative or help publish a school newspaper
or class newspaper. If she likes sports, she can join a soccer or softball
team or a dance team. Maybe music is her thing. Next summer, make sure she
is in some sort of community day camp where she has to go out and meet other
kids (e.g., if you live in NYC, the NYC parks department has day camps at
Central Park and other parks in the city). Maybe send her to overnight camp,
too.

The other thing you might want to do is get a mentor for your daughter. This
might be particularly good if you're a single parent. A mentor is an adult
who serves as a role model for kids (and adults). New York City has several
mentoring groups (note to adults in NYC: Become a mentor: More mentors are
needed all the time).

Finally, get out of the house yourself, if you haven't done so already. Join
a book club, a committee in church, a community organization, help out at
school or something. Be a role model for her going out in the community.

You asked what you can do, so I gave you some ideas. Even though I think
these will be helpful to her, it sounds like your daughter is a quiet,
sensitive and completely normal nine-year old girl (who might enjoy the
suggested activities).

My daughter is nine year old now. When she plays with other kids she always
follow other kids, even five year old girl. The 5-year-old say "can you
play?" then she play. The 5-year-old say "you have to go" and then she
leave.

This makes me really uncomfortable but I do not know what is wrong and what
I can do.

Any suggestion please.

Jeff...

I don't fully understand the problem. Does she have friends of her own about
the same age? Is she always a follower? How does she behave with cousins and

time...

about

time...

and

other extended family and her brothers and sisters? How does she behave in
school?

What makes you think that she has a lack of confidence? Is there something
else going on at school or at home?

Also, how does she play compared to those who live in the neighborhood with
her?

And, finally, can you share with us a little about your cultural heritage
and the cultural heritage of your neighbors and her schoolmates? I am
wondering if there are some cross-cultural issues going on, as well.