Speaking of Preschool

Hi I mostly lurk but wanted to ask a question. Hope it is okay.
My 3 year old is supposed to start preschool at the beginning of September.
The school says he must be potty trained. I am pretty sure he will not be.
He will go pee in the potty if I tell him to but he rarely (only twice) has
said oh I need to go and then goes on his own. #2 is a different story. We
have yet to have any successes in that area. My questions are; Do you
think they will let him start and see how it goes? That is the impression I
get so far - I mean we have already paid for the school year so I would
think that they would at least let him try. Are there preschools that don't
require potty training? Any advice or suggestions are welcome.

Ericka Kammerer...

It is *very* dependent on the school. I'd work hard
on it at home now, and if you're still not having success, I'd
go talk to the Director and have a frank discussion about how
things are going. There is a possibility that they'll say he
can't attend until he's trained, but I think this is one
situation where you really don't want to try to put one over
on them. If he goes and is not potty trained and they do
not want to deal with that, it could be a very uncomfortable
situation for him (and could *really* set things back with
the potty training!). The only way you'll know what they're
willing to deal with is to talk to them. And, you never know,
they might have some great ways to help deal with this.
There are preschools that don't require potty training,
but they're challenging to find. Many schools don't have
the facilities that are required by law in most states to
deal with kids who aren't potty trained. By insisting that
all students be potty trained, there is a whole slew of
regulations they don't have to worry about.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Thanks a ton.

toypup...

The preschool my kids go to does not require potty training. I would not
sign them up for a preschool that requires it if they are not potty trained,
because it puts too much pressure to train before they are ready. You
should ask them what level of training is necessary and you should get your
money back if he is not accepted. After all, you are ready to send him and
it is their decision not to take him.

Barbara...

Well, no, she's not ready to send him. The OP was aware that the
school had certain requirements -- that the child be toilet trained --
when she signed her child up, and he's not. The school may have turned
down other children. It really *is* the responsibility of the OP.
Nonetheless, many preschools will refund money under these
circumstances; I doubt this is the first time that a child whom the
parents expected would be trained was not when school began.

It would also be a terrible idea for the OP to send her child to school
untrained, particularly in underwear. Why would anyone expect a
teacher -- who has other children that s/he is responsible for -- to
change a child's clothing, clean him up, and clean up the floor (where
the child wet) on a regular basis? Accidents do happen, but its not an
accident if the kid's not trained; its a regular and expected thing.
Moreover, its setting the child up for embarrassment. All around, bad
idea.

But to the OP, I'm not nearly as convinced as you are that the child
will not be ready by time school begins. From what you said, he is
*physically* ready to be trained -- after all, he goes when you
initiate pottying. Now you need to take him to the second step of
self-initiating. One poster (Ericka?) gave excellent ideas for how to
go there. Why not give it a whirl? If it becomes stressful for him,
he's reluctant, or he doesn't seem able, then stop. Nothing lost.

toto...

Most half day preschools require potty training at 3, but that does
not mean they don't expect acidents.

They will probably start him and see how it goes. If it is a half day

bizby40...

They might, but they might not. The pre-schools I know about are
pretty strict about the potty-trained rule, and they really didn't
expect accidents on a regular basis. They would not allow the child
to wear pull-ups as a back-up either.

toto...

My dgd was not trained though we were working on it. The school
did allow pull ups, but preferred underwear so we sent her in those
thick cotton training pants. It turned out she was fine at school and

bizby40...

The thing is that you generally have to sign kids up for pre-school 6
months or more early. I don't know what the contracts usually
stipulate about potty-training, but I wonder about the legality of a
contract in which you would have to guarantee something that you only
have partial control over. I would think that at worst you'd have a
penalty, but not lose the full tuition.

Ericka Kammerer...

I think that's usually the case. You lose some
non-refundable portion of the tuition, but get the bulk
of it back. At least around here, most good schools have
waiting lists or late applicants and would be able to fill
the slot. It's a pretty nasty practice to keep the whole
year's tuition when you can fill the slot over something
like a failure to potty train ;-) Now, if the school were
hard line about the potty training and the parents wanted
to hold the slot until the child *did* potty train, I would
expect the school to keep the tuition until and unless
the slot were relinquished so that they could bring in
another paying customer.

Best wishes,
Ericka

they just told her to go at regular intervals. She trained at home
after she was regularly going at school. She still is not *poop*

bizby40...

Agreed.

trained though and she is 4. I am a bit worried because she will

bizby40...

Definitely agreed.

be in full day preK and still asks for a diaper to poop in. Still she

bizby40...

And again, agreed. She still has a few weeks, it may be more of a
push than she wanted, but she does have time. As for the BMs, the
child may just not do those at school and wait until he gets home. My
nephew asked to have a diaper put on for BMs for almost a year after
he stopped wearing them full time. It was never a problem with his
pre-school as he could hold them fine, and would hold them until he
got home.

usually just holds it and probably will hold it until she gets home in
that situation too.

Every once in a while I'd hear about a child who was not
potty-trained. The mom would claim he was, but then the child would
be having daily "accidents". I never heard of them kicking a child
out for that reason, but if it were me, I wouldn't want my child in a
situation that was not set up to help him.

So it seems to me that the OP has two options -- either work really
hard on training him over the next month, or talk to the school, own
up to the problem and see what they suggest. I don't know what the
contract might have said, but it seems that the school would have to
give a refund if they would not accept the child.

- 2 1/2 to 3 hours, then he will probably be fine unless his normal
poop time falls into that part of the day anyway. He also might
become more successful at pooping on the potty at school because
the potty is a regular *big kid* potty, but made smaller for the
little kids.