You're Not My Dad!

I was thinking of having DS take a safety course, but I'm pretty sure
they'll teach this phrase. I just don't think it is a very good
recommendation. When I'm in a panic, I lose my voice. It's hard to even
come up with a sound, much less an entire sentence. I propose that the
recommendation be "Help!" It's so simple. I wonder why that wasn't the
recommended phrase to begin with. If there was anything that would come
naturally for a child to scream, it would be that.

Now, I understand the reason for, "Your're not my dad!" A child who is
being dragged screaming out of a store may look like s/he's throwing a
tantrum. But "help!" would work much better. I've yet to see a tantruming

Laura Faussone...

Don't they usually have a good story to get the kid away, like
"Help me look for my puppy"? If someone's actually going to
abduct a child, the last thing they'd want to do is attract
attention to themselves.

toypup...

In which case, the kid would normally not be yelling "help!" nor "He's not
my dad!" No, I do not believe it is common for the abductors to be so
brazen. I am just not thinking it's a great idea to teach "He's not my
dad!" which you hear so much about when people talk about what they teach
their kids regarding abduction.

FWIW, I try telling DS not to go with anyone for any reason without asking
me first (or another adult if I'm not there) no matter what, even if I know
that person. So far, it hasn't sunken in, since when I give him different
scenarios, he always gives me the wrong answer or he just gives me the
answer I'm looking for, but I know he doesn't get it. Basically, I think
he'd be duped into going. So far, he's tried leaving school with different
moms, just because he wants to carpool. The moms have to come find me and I
see him tagging along behind.

Welches...

To be honest in this case I would concentrate on teaching him not to go with
anyone without telling you. Including people he knows. That he has to come
and tell you and the other person saying "I've told mum" or "I'll phone mum"
is not good enough.
Try some books with scenarios where the child is offered sweets/lift home/to
see the puppies.
#1 had a good one from the library, but I can't remember what it was called,
but it was about a girl who loved dogs and a man offered to take her to see
some puppies, and as she was going an older child stopped her and said she
had to tell mummy. The man says that he knows mummy and it will be fine, but
the older child stands firm. So the man says he'll phone mummy when they get
to his house, at which point the older child starts yelling for help, and
the man runs off. The girl is really disappointed not to see the puppies,
but they then explain to her that she mustn't go anywhere without telling
mummy.
Debbie

child yell "Help!" It would definitely get my attention and I would know
something is wrong.

Cathy Weeks...

My daughter has screamed "help!" when she was tantruming. Now, it was
at home, and once at the neighbor's, and not in "public" when it
happened, so it was no big deal, but I'm not so sure "Help!" would make
me do more than pay extra careful attention.

Cathy Weeks

Coupled with my observations, I've yet to hear a story of a child saving
him/herself by yelling, "He's not my dad!" I have, however, heard of
children saving themselves by yelling "Help!" In fact, one story that
stands out in my mind, the child was being hauled from the bathroom out of
the store when he yelled, "Help!" and a woman who was part of the rescue
said she knew he was being abducted, because a child doesn't normally yell
"Help!" when it's his own parent.

So, what do you all think?

Welches...

I have seen a tantuming child shout "help"on a couple of occasions, and in
both cases I knew (by sight) the family, and knew it was a tantrum not a
serious situation. My brother shouted it when my dad was taking him to the
barbers too. I have heard of a child who shouted "you're not my mum" at
their mum too!
I think that generally people are too easy (here) about just letting a child
go. I've several times come across a child who's walked quite a distance
either quietly crying or walking along shouting "mum" at intervals.
So I don't think there's an easy answer.
I think maybe shouting "help" for a start off would get attention, then
switching to "you're not my mum/dad" afterwards.
Debbie

Welches...

I was thinking about this last night when there was an incident outside our
house.
I could hear a (guess) teenage girl screaming something along the lines of
"get off". Actually this sort of thing (particularly Friday/Saturday) is
reasonably common, and when you look out it's something like a group of
"youth" messing around-obviously friendly. I looked out of the window and
could see a group behind the bus stop, but couldn't see what they were
doing. As there was still screaming going on (saying the same thing) I
reached for the phone to call 999, but then someone came round got into a
car and drove off, and the screaming stopped.
On the basis that all then looked calm I didn't phone, but judging from the
police presence half an hour later, something had happened.
I was trying to work out what would have got my attention enough to get me
immediately phoning for the police. "Help" certainly wouldn't have-I guess I
hear that frequently enough not to react. Nor would just the cry of "police"
as again, the teenagers that hang out round there use that frequently.
"He's got a knife" was the most likely for me to react I decided, although
that may be because I've been in a situation where that was used for real.
"Someone get the police" would get more reaction from me than just "police"
I think.
Certainly what the person was screaming was ambiguous enough to be put with
just fooling around.
So really you need to find something that an adult would react to quickly.
Part of the problem with "get off" was it didn't sound important enough to
phone the police without seeing what was happening.
Debbie