Picking up infant every time she cries

My baby is three and a half weeks old and I've noticed that she likes
it less and less when I leave her in her Moses basket after a feed. At
first she was quite comfortable there on her own, but now she seems to
want to be held a lot more, and is more fussy.

I've been reading that you can't spoil a young baby by picking her up
when she cries, and in principle I'm all for attachment parenting.
However, I wouldn't like her to be overly dependent on me if always
picking her up does that for a baby.

What's the right thing to do in your experience?

Donna Metler...

At 3 1/2 weeks, pick her up if you can. This is the perfect age to just
stick a velcro baby in a sling and go on with life. You can't spoil them
this early. Or, let all those people who have wanted to see the baby come
over, wash hands, and hold her ;)

Irrational Number...

Just for *me* only, I would hold my
baby as long and as much as possible.
In just 2.5 short years, Pillbug now
wants to run around the house, outside
the house, anywhere, just to explore.
Before long, he'll want me to drop
him off at the corner so his friends
don't have to see me! ;) I intend to
hold 9-month-old Rocky as much as I can
before he grows up, too.

-L....

Hold and love and kiss your baby as much as you can. She will only be
a baby once. I still give DS attention when he seeks it (age 2.) It
will only be a matter of time before they aren't interested in being
loved/held/kissed/cuddled, so I say give it to them when they need it
or want it, and even sometimes when they don't!
-L.

Chookie...

Pick her up, of course! Would you be happy to just lie in bed all your waking
hours, with nothing to do?

Three weeks is a bit early to be worrying about emotional problems! Remember
that she is, in fact, completely dependent on you for everything right now,
including relationships.

She wants to get to know you and see what you're doing. You'll notice in the
next few weeks that her favourite thing to do is look at faces, particularly
the faces of people in her family. Babies are designed to want to have
relationships with people, and this is the start of it: memorising faces and
seeing facial expressions.

0tterbot...

pick her up every time she cries, of course :-)

it doesn't make them "overly dependent" to be held when they need to be
held. rather, the reverse: it makes them more independent and confident in
time, because they know that you will always provide their needs promptly.
tiny babies don't have "wants", only needs, and physical contact is one of
those. some need more than others. your baby will let you know how much she
needs ;-)
kylie

honeybeeiou...

Pick her up. There must be something that would make her
uncomfortable. You said after a feed, so she might need to burp.

peasandkarrots...

You've got lots and lots of great replies, but I'll add my 2 cents :-)

Hold her as much as you can now. E is about 3 months old and has just
found out that she can soothe herself by sticking her thumb in her
mouth. Now, she will scream if I hold her when she wants to play.
I'm not saying she's becoming independent and she still does need to be
held when she is sleepy, but babies *do* grow out of the "hold me all
the time" phase - some sooner than others.
Just enjoy holding her for as long as you can :-)

dragonlady...

Absolutely.

Of my three kids, only one of the 20 yo's EVER still wants to be held.
(If she gets home while we're still up, she moves my knitting so she can
sit beside me on the sofa and put her head in my lap.)

I miss holding my babies!

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward...

Thanks everyone for your replies. Clearly there's consensus on this.

It's silly but I feel less guilty about my natural impulse to pick her
up every time she cries now that others have given me the green light!

dragonlady...

Don't feel silly -- I'm glad this group exists to give parents a chance
to do some testing.

My mom (who had me right after she turned 16, so was VERY young), said
she always felt guilty for her inability to follow what "the experts"
said she should do: at that time, it was to feed your baby every 4
hours, period. And to NOT pick them up when they cried. But she said
she spent YEARS feeling guilty because she just couldn't make herself
hard enough to do that -- instead, she fed us when we were hungry, and
held us when we cried.

I've always felt sad at the number of years she felt guilty about being
a Bad Mommy!

Rosalie B....

My mom OTOH was 'old' at 27 when she had me, and she was also told not
to feed me more than every 4 hours and so she did that. She had the
'perfect mom' syndrome because it took her so long to have a baby.

She was bf when that also wasn't really the thing to do and she also
started giving me solids very early as was the norm then (late 1930s).

My babies didn't seem to eat any more than about every 4 hours (or
every 3 hours at the outside). I was bf and I fed them on demand, so
maybe there are some babies that schedule works for.

grandma Rosalie

Ericka Kammerer...

I think the more relevant question is what is
the *wrong* thing to do ;-) I think it is wrong to
leave her in her basket if she's upset about it and
you're available to hold her. Anything other than
that is reasonable in my book and a matter of personal
choice. If she's just a little grumbly as she's
falling asleep, not a problem. If she's just
expressing herself and isn't really wanting to be
held, fine. If you have to run to the bathroom
or whatever, fine. If you've been holding her all
day and need a little break, fine.
You won't spoil her. Spoiling requires a
level of intentionality that she doesn't have yet.
She's not capable of thinking, "I want Mommy to hold
me, but she doesn't want to, so I'm going to fuss
until she does."
I think it's quite natural for babies to
go through stages where they want to be held more.
She's getting a bit older and wants to see and
interact with the world more and she's dependent
on you to give her a view. She's more able to
stay awake a bit after a feeding, instead of
immediately zonking out.
Now, for me, my babies generally had a
pattern of play, eat, sleep. (Some advise against
that, in that it reinforces nursing to sleep, but
that doesn't bother me and hasn't been an issue
for my kids, all of whom have been good sleepers.)
So, I would generally reinforce that pattern by
putting a baby down to sleep after eating if it
was a reasonable time for a nap. If they were
fussing a bit, i'd probably leave them for a few
minutes to see if they'd just fall asleep. Some
babies grouse a bit before they fall asleep.
On the other hand, at 3.5 weeks, she's
still *very* young and in the newborn period.
I wouldn't worry about *any* of this at this
point in time and would just do whatever I darned
well pleased that didn't have her actually upset
(as opposed to a little bit of fussing).

Best wishes,
Ericka

Stephanie...

I have absolutely no factual basis for this sense of mine, but I have this
niggling hunch that later dependance is more likely to be based on a child
whose needs were NOT met early rather than the other way around. Pick the
little sweetie u p.

Mary Ann...

Your baby is entirely dependent on you (and others) to care for her.
Pick her up!

Do what feels right :-)

Mary Ann

Boliath...

Pick her up. She'll gradually grow more independent of you and you will
miss these days.

Michelle J. Haines...

Pick her up. A newborn has a valid need to be snuggled.

Michelle
Flutist