when baby says Mummy to his Dad...

Hello everybody
I'm a newcomer seeking help. Doctors haven't helped much so far. Our 20
month old son has started saying Mum to his Dad since December (no
reason for : no argument or whatsoever). At first we thought it was a
"normal" confusion due to age. Then that it might be a game for him and
we pretended not to pay attention. He perfectly knows who is who (if we
ask him to bring sthg to his Dad, he'll do it). But dad is getting
really upset. Has anyone experienced this ? Thanks for your help. K.

Rosalie B....

Has he ever SAID Dad? Not just babbling, but has he ever actually
used the name Dad (or Dada or Daddy) for his father? Because just
because he knows the word when you say it doesn't mean he knows how to
say it himself. Saying Mum is probably easier.

grandma Rosalie

Rosalie B....

He may be doing it because he gets a reaction from Dad that way.

grandma Rosalie

Stephanie...

I'm sorry. What's the problem, exactly?

cjra...

Oh, I can appreciate Dad being kind of bummed out that kid doesn't call
him by the appropriate name. Not a horrible thing, but surely every dad
is looking forward to being called "Daddy"?

toypup...

Yeah, but he shouldn't be getting "really upset."

cjra...

I was being kind. I can easily picture DH being really bummed about
that - not angry, but it would definitely make him sad. Similarly if -
and likely when - our kid calls ME daddy, repeatedly, it'll be hard not
to be bummed out and will have to keep reminding myself he/she will
outgrow it. I don't think that's unreasonable.

I do think the OP is over reacting though if they thought a medical
professional would help, that's kind of extreme.

That said, my *mom* still doesn't call her kids by the appropriate
name, we all get called each others' names, regardless of gender. I try
not to get too annoyed ;-)

Irrational Number...

I used to get annoyed at this, until I had
my second son. By about 2 weeks, I started
mixing up their names...

Stephanie...

I put my foot down when Mom called me by the dog's name.

Clisby...

I can remember my mother saying "David! Sam! Arthur! Whoever you are -
get in here!" to one or another of my three youngest brothers. I guess
after you have 6, it's all a blur.

cjra...

Yeah. I don't know when she started it, as I'm #7....

What's worse is my sisters do it, using both their kids' names AND us
siblings' names. Too funny!

Welches...

What do you mean after 6? I end up saying "thing one, thing two" sometimes!
Dh remembers his mum calling him by the next door cat's name!
Debbie

Banty...

My name starts with a 'K', my sister's name starts with an 'L', and my brother's
name starts with a 'KL' sound. My mom would stumble over our names, and it
would be like she was clicking!

toto...

LOL. I only had two, one girl and one boy and still did it
particularly when one of them did something that was especially
characteristic of the other.

enigma...

no kidding. my 5.5 year old still calls me 'daddy' & daddy
'mommy' when he's excited or tired. what's the big deal?
sheesh, at 20 months Boo had all of ZERO words, nevermind
switching parent titles :p
lee "upsets" him>

Jeanne...

I agree. My 8 year old still blurts out "Daddy" to me or "Mommy" to DH.
at times. It's just a verbal hiccup to me.

I've also caught myself saying DD's name when addressing DS and vice
versa. Given the 5 years in age difference and the different genders, I
was surprised I would make this mistake but it's not a personal
statement about either child.

dkhedmo...

Dad needs to relax. What's the real problem - is his masculinity being
threatened by a toddler calling him mom? I'm sure the child knows you

toypup...

Some people just don't understand that toddlers are not adults and they
react to them as if they were adults, getting offended, etc. Even OP
suggested that her DS would have the ability to reason like an adult, that
he's not doing it because of an argument, etc. Dad and Mom need to get a
grip on reality. He's a toddler. He doesn't mean it as an insult.

are two different people, as evidenced by the example you gave. I'd
think dad should take it as a compliment, that he's on the same level of
importance to the child as you, not being pegged as less important,
which is probably how he's taking it.

Our ds1 used to do that to some extent, especially at the beginning of
the weekend, after Dad had been out to work all week and he was simply
used to addressing me for all his needs. By the end of the weekend,
after dh had been handling most of the child-tending, ds1 would be using
the correct form of address, then come Monday morning, I was "Daddy" for
half a day or so.

Our ds2, almost 2, also gets similarly confused. Dh is working overtime
and going to school at night, which means he's not around much at all
right now. When dh is around, and ds2 has the rare ocassion of having
both of our attentions focused on him, he gets so excited he stumbles
all over himself saying "Diddy-Mum-Diddy-Mum-Diddy-Mum-Mum-Mum!"

Really, your dh needs to not get his knickers in a twist over something
like this, don't make a big deal or bring any real attention to it, and
to stop thinking the child is making some kind of manipulative game out
of it. At most, the dad should really be in there doing as much as he
can for and with the child and just say "daddy" more often in
conversation with the child, "come with daddy, daddy's going to change
your diaper, have a snack with daddy," etc. Very light and normal and
playful, no big emphasis, just modeling the correct usage.

My ds1 used to have his personal pronouns all mixed up, referring to
himself as "you" instead of me or I and they eventually sorted
themselves out. The weekend I tried to badger him into correct usage
resulted in him stuttering for three or four days, which is way worse
than than confused usage! His wise and prudent preschool teacher advised
me (over every and any first-time parent concern) to not worry about it,
that it would sort itself out, that many things were developmental in
scope and would become correct at the right time. She was right, Every.
Single. Time!

-Karen, mom to Henry almost 6 and William almost 2-

xkatx...

Mine didn't really have this problem, as far as I can remember, but I have a
friend who's almost 3 year old son calles everyone "Mam"... My son, 5, plays
with this boy, and DS sometimes gets upset that his playmate is calling him
"mam" all the time. The kid knows who is mother is. He knows that I, his
friends or complete strangers aren't his mom, but he's just at the age and

Banty...

Well, maybe it's because I don't make pudding, but I don't get that metaphor at
all. Never heard it. Translation?

Rosalie B....

When I made corn pudding, my mom's recipe says one egg for each person
or as many as you can afford. The implication for this is that more
eggs in the pudding is better and I thought that was what was meant.

But the actual phrase is a Britishism

Rosalie B....

And in this case it is somewhat appropriate I think - It's not the
most important thing in the universe that needs to be analyzed to
destruction. IMHO it is perfectly normal for a dad with his first
child not to like being called mom, without going into dark
psychological meanings for that.

grandma Rosalie

Banty...

Mind I'm not saying that parents shouldn't be affected at all. But if a parent
finds it hard to live with, it makes sense for them to think about *why*. And
what and who they are as a parent. *Is* it for the sake of the adoration of the
child?? For the love in return, and not really for the child? If, for example,
this dad is 'very upset' and they're going to doctors about it, there's much too
strong an expectation of what emotionally comes *from* the child *to* the
parent.

Banty...

Sure - but we need to be the grownups in the relationship.

level that everyone is mom. Yes, he is a bit slow and has shown to function
at a slightly lower level than he should, but he still understands. I have
held out his jacket and I have said, "Is this Bryce's jacket?" and he does
say yes. I ask if this is Mommy's jacket or Leland's (his infant brother)
jacket and he tells me know. I have asked him to point out Mom, Leland,
Bran or Zach (DSs) and he points them all out with no problem, he just calls
EVERYONE 'mam', but when told to go see mom, he goes to his mom, not me, not
DS, not a stranger.
Your DH needs to calm down. It's nothing personal and getting upset is NOT
going to help the situation. Steer your son in the right direction and use
everyone's name or names of objects in a proper, every day manner without
putting huge emphasis on it. He's still a baby. I wouldn't even know if
I'd go so far as to say it's a confusion thing... You've said he does know
the difference of who is who.

Jeanne...

This happens all the time with my kids (2 and 8). They will turn to me
and say "DaddyMummy" or just "Daddy".

It's just a verbal mix-up. The children know who's who. No reason to
get upset.

Just me :)...

Why in the world would you have thought he needed to see a Doctor about
this? There is no medical problem here. Your child is still learning,
he's trying out words, learning how to express himself. Totally
normal stuff.
If your husband has a problem, well, it's his problem and nothing
that is wrong with your child.
I hope I'm not sounding mean here, IMHO, with a little encouragement
your son will get Mummy and Daddy down pat and it's not at all
something to be angry or upset about.
Again, just my opinion.

Welches...

Nothing to worry about, perfectly normal. How did you expect the doctor to

Just me :)...

Donna, LOL! Ok, that is way cute! The things kids say/do just crack
me up sometimes! :)

Al

help, out of interest? At that age they can be beginning to experience
control, and if he think's it has a reaction then he'll continue doing it.
Ignore it, but continue to use "dad" when you refer to him. He'll get there
in the end, if he understands.
Wait until he says "I hate you"... that's another perfectly normal stage!
Debbie

user...

What in the world is your husband getting upset for? Your son
is 20 months old. By definition, he's going to be doing things
that are odd, irrational, and downright strange. Hopefully,
they will also be cute at the same time. ;-)

Tell your husband to get a grip on reality. If he gets
"really upset" by this, just wait until your son gets into
the terrible twos.

As for your son - mine did exactly the same thing. And,
unsurprisingly, he managed to figure out the correct way to
address me eventually.

- Rich