Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Ho-Down

This ep begins with SLop in the pantry wearing a weird brown tie-die patterned
shirt over a solid brown shirt, so I guess this means today’s colour is brown!
She yammers about a vacation/trip to Texas, and how much she l-l-loved the
food. Of course, she must therefore desecrate it! She grabs a platter and
recipe box, and rattles off the menu before we bop off into the opening
credits.

SLop enters the kitchen, which is brown. The brisket is lying, ashamed, on the
brown butcher paper on the cooktop. Sandra lifts it and talks some more about

Mark Thorson...

That's a great line!

bizook...

So is this one:

"After she mixes it appears like a gigantic lump of Play-Doh into a
cake pan, but I am sure it doesn't taste as good."

Where's my royalty check, Ubi? ;)

weberm...

hee! How many ranch dressing packets do I owe you? :-D

Texas food, the sticks the brisket in a baking dish and covers it with
meatloaf seasoning, which she states contains "onions, garlic, and lovely
seasonings", a bottle of what looked like Budweiser (from the label only,
could have been something else), and two cups of apple cider. SLop sticks it
into the oven at 375 degrees for three hours, which she describes as the
"braising process". SLop then returns to the counter to make the "mashed
potato salad". Which she made with microwaves frozen hash browns! Anyhow, she
lets them cool off and adds some hard-boiled aigs and some other stuff I no
longer remember. She then tells us to fold the ingredients, only to stir
her MASHED potato salad, warning us not to stir too aggressively or we'll
break up the potatoes in the MASHED potato salad.

SLop then mixes half a stick of butter, some garlic bread spread (which, I
believe, has butter in it), and a McCormick's mesquite seasoning packet. SLop
heats it in the microwave and then spreads it on four pieces of raggedy
looking bread slices. She then meticulously instructs on how on to toast the
bread on a grill pan so it has dianglular grill marks on it.

GarbageBowl...

Sounds like a word she'd make up, because it surely doesn't exist in
Merriam Webster.

Dave Smith...

One would expect that sell checker would catch diangular and replace it
with diagonal, but if not sure you can be prompted by the triple
version, triangular.

weberm...

That's the word I wanted but my spell checker was no help.

Anim8rFSK...

The ironic part is, the spell checker doesn't catch 'sell checker'

SLop retrieves the brisket, which looks amazingly like an overcooked meat
loaf, onto a foil wrapped cooking sheet and smothers it with some BBQ sauce.
According to Sandy, this is a five hour process, but the three hours its been
cooking in the liquid added to the 45 min with the "basting process" only add
up to three hours and 45 minutes. She pops it in the overn and starts to work
on the Red Velvet Bars. SLop takes a box of German Chocolate cake mix and adds
a stick of butter, an egg, and some red food colouring. After she mixes it
appears like a gigantic lump of Play-Doh into a cake pan, but I am sure it
doesn't taste as good.

SLop cuts the brisket, which looks remarkably like the shoe Charlie Chaplin
boiled in "The Gold Rush", had he been a sasquatch. Brisket shouldn't look
like that! The brisket done (in more ways than one), SLop giddily announces
"It's cocktail time! Best time of the day!", but sadly, there is no
accompanying pop-up graphic. This week, she makes a Cowboy Cocktail by filling
some mugs with crushed ice, pouring some Corona beer over it, and adding a
dash of tequilla. Gag! Her choice of choking hazzard for this drink is a small
mint shrubbery and some limes. After chugging her drink, she shows us her
tablescape. The Hell? That is Not approved HO-down daycor! Two cloth napkins?
When I’ve eaten brisket, it always involves a roll of paper towels somewhere
on the table. I guess this is a fancy-dancy HO-down..