Expectations about weight OT

I keep seeing posts on here about weight, how much is good and how much
isn't.
Yesterday we had a family reunion and the first thing my younger uncle's
wife said to me was "Oh, I'm glad to see you are still slim." I haven't
seen her for two years.
What's that about?

Enfilade...

I think that in a culture where slim=attractive, she was trying to
compliment you. Particularly since people tend to gain weight as they
age.

Lately, my mother makes a lot of comments about me being
unattractive/fat/etc. I weigh 163 lbs. She weights 230+. Teacup,
meet kettle.

I was once seriously ill and plummetted to 128 lbs. On my frame,
that's underweight (145-150 is my ideal). My close friends were
concerned by how I looked, but casual acquaintances said I looked
great. I was all bones.

Suz...

I thought weight obsession was an American thing. In the 90's due to
health problems I went from being overweight to being underweight. When
I was underweight people told me I was pretty. I felt angry about it
when I was 16-20 something I needed to hear that but at 40 I felt ok
myself but sad for the teen who wanted to be pretty. Now I'm about
average for a non Hollywood person.
Suz
Spicey is purrfect of course.

Monique Y. Mudama...

Aren't mothers helpful?

My mom also worries about my weight ... atm I'm 168, and 145-150 would
also be about right for me. I'm probably shorter than you -- I'm 5'5

Enfilade...

Nope, I'm 5'5" too. ATM I'm 163.

But during my illness, I remember someone was sizing me for a bracelet
and had to use "size large". This comment she made still makes me
laugh:

"I always thought "big boned" just meant fat but there isnt' any fat on
you!"

Way I see it I'm like a truck...you can put a lot of weight (Fat) on
it, you can take all the weight (Fat) off it, but you are NEVER going
to shrink its frame into a sportscar.

dnr...

One-word analysis: "Meow"........does this rude relative
know of your fairly recent medical histories?

Christina Websell...

Yes, she does. I don't think she actually *meant* it in a bad way. I
think as has been said downthread, she thinks that being slim is so
important that it was probably meant as praise.
I guess what I was trying to say was that as I haven't seen them for two
years and during that time I almost died I was taken aback that a comment
about my weight was the *very* first thing said to me.
Not "hello, how nice to see you after all this time.. " not "thank
goodness you seem to getting on well after..."
I didn't let her know I'd noticed, I just said "thanks.."
It was also funny when she said goodbye. I was just coming down from the
bathroom as they were all saying goodbye so I said "hey, don't go without a
goodbye hug!" So she hugged me and said "good luck with your hernia!" I
replied "that's the nicest goodbye anyone has ever said to me!!" All the
rest of the family fell about laughing.
Maybe she is losing that filter between what pops into her mind and what
comes out of her mouth. She's not that old, only in her early 60's and has

Monique Y. Mudama...

I don't think my mother's ever had that filter ...

recently retired as a teacher. I thought it was a little odd also that when
we were all talking together she suddenly said "Oh, excuse me, I have to do
my exercises now but I'll still be listening" and she jumped up, held on to
the back of a chair and started to lift each leg up in turn for about 5
minutes. Hmmm.

I don't have a problem if she needs to do exercises but I wonder if it was
just me that thought she might have waited for a gap in the conversation or
even until she got home?

Monique Y. Mudama...

I wish I knew!

Does it matter to my family what my weight is? I hope not. What if since
the last time she saw me I had got enormously fat? What would she had said
then? I know what she would have said actually. "I have a diet that you
might like to go on.." She is obsessed about being slim. Huh, I told her
the thinner she is the more wrinkles she'll have. ;-)

badwilson...

Heh, maybe she's worried her husband will put on the pounds as he gets
older and since you're related, it's a good sign that you're keeping
slim ;-)

Monique Y. Mudama...

*snicker*

It's just assumed that thin = good, and that if you're thin you must
be thrilled about it, and if you're not thin that you must be terribly
bothered about it, and actively working against it. Nevermind if
you're thin because you've been ill, or if you're actually trying to
gain weight, or if you're happy with how you look.

On the plus side, she probably meant well and intended to compliment
you.