Dear Miss Nox.....

Or would you prefer that I call you Queen Nocturne? Forgive me if I
have improperly addressed you.

My name is Imp and I always have been very suspicious of my hoomins.
They say they love me and pet me and scritch me and of course feed me,
but I can't help but feeling like they are trying to trick me.

Like this evening, I came out to inspect all the boxes in the living
room. I was just sitting there, grooming a stray hair on my tail when
I hear my name. Mama Kristi is smiling and laughing at me. What did I
do? I just KNEW she was trying to trick me.

And later the two hoomins were both LOOKING at me. I know they were
talking about ME!

Every time i get my food I have to sniff it gingerly cause I'm afraid
they might be trying to trick me into eating something I don't want.
It's like when I had diarrhea and Mama Kristi gave me delicious brown
treats, but then i found that they had icky crunchy centers. (pill
pockets) It was a TRICK!!

And another time Mama Kristi was only PRETENDING to be nice to me but
she suddenly swooped me up and clipped all my precious claws. Another
cruel TRICK!!

I have snuck on and have read your exploits and you seem like a cat
that is not scared of the hoomins and the tricks they play. Do you
think that you could teach me to be strong and brave?

I'm just afraid that......OW!!!!

SCRAM YOU SPINELESS TOM!!!!! This is Mischief, please forgive the
ignorant rantings of Imp, he still thinks his tail is out to bite him.
(But isn't it......OUCH!!!) SHADDUP!!!!

Imp forgets that I'M the one in charge. I see EVERYTHING and NOTHING
gets by me. I know every move that the hoomins......heyheyHEY!!! PUT
ME DOWN!!!!

Imp again. You see? Mischief thought she was safe and the hoomin just
picked her up and carried her into the BATHROOM!!! Do you know what
horrible things go on in there?

Please help me, O great Nox, I don't like being a spineless tom. I
know I don't have a collarbone, but I don't want to be without a spine.