hubby won't let me euthanize Cassie

Okay, it's not a matter of "letting" -- she's my dog and I can have her put
down if I want. But you know, I really think it's time. I wrote before
about the cancer and the swollen face. Well, the Benedryl isn't helping
(though I keep giving it anyway in hopes that it's doing *something*) and
her head is now swollen pretty huge. It's the entire muzzle and throat.
The doc says it will probably work it's way down the front legs. She is
still eating and walking around, but every time I look at that hugely
swollen face, I feel so bad and think it's time to let her go. But hubby
says, "She doesn't act like she's in pain, and it's not like she's just
lying around in her own excrement or something. I don't think you should do
it." So now I feel even more guilty because maybe I am trying to rush her
into the grave. But I don't think so. It can't be fun to be like that. It
can't be comfortable. And the thing is that DH never even *liked* her. So
why is he doing this? It's a hard enough thing without a walking guilt-trip

diddy...

My husband was opposed to me putting Danny down when I did. But I knew it
was time. To confirm it, I had a necropsy done, and as soon as the vet
opened him up, I gasped, because pus rolled out of his guts and dripped
on the table. We knew he had an infection that wasn't responding to
antibiotics. It was obvious that he had lost his immune system for some
reason. Without an immune system, he didn't have a chance. When I
realizes that no matter how powerful of antibiotics we tried, and he
didn't respond, it became clear what had to be done. The necropsy said
it all. He had no chance, and I had no idea how he lasted so long with
the quality of life that he had. He was so stoic. The necropsy showed the
reason for his immune failure. Spleenic cancer. It had gone undetected
until the time of necropsy. Antibiotics don't work in the presence of
cancer.

Do a necropsy, and show him the results. It will provide closure and
answer any questions.

making it worse!

sighthounds & siberians...

I've always found it very difficult to know when it's time. The thing
is, by the time dogs act as though they're in pain, they're most
likely in a great deal of pain. That being said, eating is pretty
high up on the list for most dogs and if Cassie's still able to eat
well, maybe it's not quite time yet. Do you get a sense of whether
she's just going through the motions, or is she having any fun or
getting any enjoyment out of life right now? One suggestion that's
been made here is to make a list of the dog's 5 favorite things and
note how many she can still do. I guess it's up to the individual
where you draw the line - - when the dog can only do 2, or 1, or none.

bizby40...

She hasn't really been able to play for a while because of the
arthritis. She can't get up and down the steps, and I stopped
carrying her up because she would try to come down on her
own and she fell down them 3 times and I was so afraid she
was going to break a bone. She used to like to be outside
more than anything, but now she only goes out to potty and
wants straight back in. If it's bad weather, she tries to come
back without pottying. She does still enjoy treats, though
with the swelling, I've been trying to make sure she only
gets things that can slide down pretty easily. And she does
still come looking for petting every now and again. Her
barks, and she used to have a beautiful voice, come out
sounding muffled and sort of strangled. As much as I don't
want to make that trip, I really do feel like it's time to do
it.

I really feel for you. Our Boomer, who is somewhere between 8 and 14,
has pretty severe lumbosacral stenosis. Depo Medrol injections did
not help and Deramaxx is all that's keeping him going. Monday he
whimpered a little while circling in preparation for lying down, and I
thought that's it, I'll be taking him in this week, but he rallied
again (and particularly enjoyed the Tuna Helper he had for dinner last
night). One day he'll sleep all day and not eat, the next he's trying
to run around outside. And always, when I go cry in his fur, he rubs
his big head against me and licks.

bizby40...

Oh, I'm sorry. Cassie has been in pain from the arthritis for
some time, and I kept worrying about that -- how much pain
was too much? But as long as she didn't have anything really
life-threatening, I didn't feel like I could put her down for a
little arthritis -- well, a *lot* of arthritis. So we've just been
managing the pain as well as we could. In a way, the cancer
has given me the closure I needed -- made a hard decision
a little easier.

Tell your husband that he needs to leave you alone about this
decision. Cassie's your dog, and it's a difficult enough decision
without his 'input'. If he can't be supportive, he should be silent.
I wish I could tell you for sure that you'll know, but I wouldn't be
honest if I did. Look in her eyes, though; if there's no spark, if
the light's gone out, it may be time.

Judy...

I second this. That may still mean that you waited too long but it's as
clear a sign as they can give you. A friend recently had one of her dogs
PTS. He woke her up in the middle of the night with just a paw on her
shoulder and a look. They were at the vet's office the next morning as soon
as they opened.

Repeating the idea of listing the dog's favorite things and determining how
many are left to her - maybe that's something that your DH could benefit
from hearing. It really does "spell out" how far down the dog may have
already gone and makes the realization of what's now happening a little more
concrete.

It's so hard. I've had dogs PTS when the vets kept saying there was still
hope. But I've never had one argue for a single second when I declared it
was time.

And, you know what? The vets have been very clear that Cassie's time is
coming soon. Even IF you are a little premature, it's still okay to make
the choice for yourself. Cassie would understand.

Thoughts are with you all.

Best wishes.

Mustang Sally