How to give your cat a pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby.

Flyiñg Ñuñ 2°°6 +...

Not half as interesting, but much safer and quicker with one of these
http://www.petplanet.co.uk/shop_dev/assets/new_product_images/interpet/mikki_pill_gun.jpg

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens
mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth rub throat of cat to
encourage swallowing.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call wife
from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get wife to hold cat's head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get wife to lie on cat with its head just
visible from below wife's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water
to take taste away. Apply band-aid to wife's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's garden shed. Get another pill. Place cat
in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise
to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last
pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's
mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece
of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a glass of water down throat
to wash pill down.

14. Get wife to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop
by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for session with Psychiatrist for even daring to think about
giving your cat a pill!